2011-01-18
Original: 2011-01-18 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: Two green aliens walk down a corridor. First alien (to the second): "You're the first to breed humans in captivity! What's your secret?" Second alien: "It's simple!"
Panel 2: The second alien explains. Alien: "The female must be convinced that the male is worthy of her respect and trust. So, we write letters for the male." A human woman with long dark hair reads a letter and says: "Awww..." The letter reads: "I feel vulnerable now that I told you an embarrassing episode from my teenage years. Let me proceed to a joke, and thence to discussing my love for my female family members. Sincerely, Human Male"
Panel 3: Alien: "The male must be convinced that the female has boobies. This is accomplished through the use of photons." Illustration shows a sun emitting photons that bounce off two breasts and travel to a smiling red-haired human man.
Panel 4: Alien: "Once the baby is born, it is just a matter of keeping the humans from killing it. So, we use relativity to age the child 3 years, which drops the murder rate by 93%." A red-haired man, a dark-haired woman, and a small child are shown together as a happy family.
Panel 5: The two aliens stand together. First alien: "Excellent! How goes the bonobo chimp breeding?" Second alien: "Ugh... they have to be in love with each other."
Votey: The red-haired man's face in close-up, smiling, saying: "Oooh, them's some good photons."
Panel 2: The second alien explains. Alien: "The female must be convinced that the male is worthy of her respect and trust. So, we write letters for the male." A human woman with long dark hair reads a letter and says: "Awww..." The letter reads: "I feel vulnerable now that I told you an embarrassing episode from my teenage years. Let me proceed to a joke, and thence to discussing my love for my female family members. Sincerely, Human Male"
Panel 3: Alien: "The male must be convinced that the female has boobies. This is accomplished through the use of photons." Illustration shows a sun emitting photons that bounce off two breasts and travel to a smiling red-haired human man.
Panel 4: Alien: "Once the baby is born, it is just a matter of keeping the humans from killing it. So, we use relativity to age the child 3 years, which drops the murder rate by 93%." A red-haired man, a dark-haired woman, and a small child are shown together as a happy family.
Panel 5: The two aliens stand together. First alien: "Excellent! How goes the bonobo chimp breeding?" Second alien: "Ugh... they have to be in love with each other."
Votey: The red-haired man's face in close-up, smiling, saying: "Oooh, them's some good photons."
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic in which two green aliens discuss how they breed humans in captivity. Panel 1: walking down a corridor, one alien asks the other its secret; it replies "It's simple!" Panel 2: the alien says the female must be convinced the male is worthy of respect, "so we write letters for the male." A dark-haired woman reads a letter and coos "Awww..."; the letter is a parody of male emotional vulnerability, ending "Sincerely, Human Male." Panel 3: the alien says the male must be convinced the female has boobies, "accomplished through the use of photons" — a diagram shows a sun's light bouncing off two breasts into the eyes of a grinning red-haired man. Panel 4: the alien says once the baby is born they use relativity to age the child 3 years, dropping the murder rate by 93%; a happy red-haired man, dark-haired woman, and toddler pose together. Panel 5: the first alien asks how bonobo chimp breeding is going; the second sighs "Ugh... they have to be in love with each other," implying chimps are harder to manipulate than humans. Votey: a close-up of the red-haired man's smiling face saying "Oooh, them's some good photons," appreciating the view.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.