2011-01-21
Original: 2011-01-21 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: Advanced Rules Rock-Paper-Scissors:
Basic Throws:
ROCK
Beats scissors.
[A closed fist.]
PAPER
Beats rock.
[An open flat hand.]
SCISSORS
Beats paper.
[A hand with two fingers extended in a V.]
TIME MACHINE
Opponent's current throw is played against his previous throw.
[A hand with three fingers extended.]
Modifiers:
(thrown concurrently with a basic throw)
CANNIBAL
Your current throw defeats only a throw of the same kind which lacks the cannibal modifier.
[A hand curled into a C-like claw shape.]
CLONE
Throw the same thing with both hands. If you win, you get +2. if you lose, -2.
[Two fists side by side.]
¿
If the number of players who throw i is odd, whoever wins this throw gets Complex Points instead of points.
[A thumbs-up.]
Goal: Get ten points of any kind.
Secondary Goal: Get banned from parties of any kind.
Votey:
[A man holds his hands up to his face forming circles around his eyes like goggles, looking distressed.]
Caption: Goggles:
They do nothing.
Basic Throws:
ROCK
Beats scissors.
[A closed fist.]
PAPER
Beats rock.
[An open flat hand.]
SCISSORS
Beats paper.
[A hand with two fingers extended in a V.]
TIME MACHINE
Opponent's current throw is played against his previous throw.
[A hand with three fingers extended.]
Modifiers:
(thrown concurrently with a basic throw)
CANNIBAL
Your current throw defeats only a throw of the same kind which lacks the cannibal modifier.
[A hand curled into a C-like claw shape.]
CLONE
Throw the same thing with both hands. If you win, you get +2. if you lose, -2.
[Two fists side by side.]
¿
If the number of players who throw i is odd, whoever wins this throw gets Complex Points instead of points.
[A thumbs-up.]
Goal: Get ten points of any kind.
Secondary Goal: Get banned from parties of any kind.
Votey:
[A man holds his hands up to his face forming circles around his eyes like goggles, looking distressed.]
Caption: Goggles:
They do nothing.
Alt text
An instructional diagram titled "Advanced Rules Rock-Paper-Scissors." Under "Basic Throws," four photo-realistic hand poses in gray panels: ROCK (a fist, "Beats scissors"), PAPER (a flat open hand, "Beats rock"), SCISSORS (a V of two fingers, "Beats paper"), and TIME MACHINE (three fingers up, "Opponent's current throw is played against his previous throw"). Under "Modifiers (thrown concurrently with a basic throw)": CANNIBAL (a claw-like hand, "Your current throw defeats only a throw of the same kind which lacks the cannibal modifier"), CLONE (two fists, "Throw the same thing with both hands. If you win, you get +2. if you lose, -2"), and an imaginary-number symbol ¿ shown as a thumbs-up ("If the number of players who throw i is odd, whoever wins this throw gets Complex Points instead of points"). At the bottom: "Goal: Get ten points of any kind. Secondary Goal: Get banned from parties of any kind." The joke piles absurd, over-complicated rules onto a simple game. Votey (aftercomic): a line-drawn man presses his hands to his face, forming circles around his eyes like goggles, with a pained expression. Caption: "Goggles: They do nothing."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.