2010-05-23
Original: 2010-05-23 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): THERE ONCE WAS AN UGLY DUCKLING
(An ugly duck with flame-like red hair, a large gaping beak, and a brown body stands alone.)
Panel 2 (caption): ALL THE OTHER DUCKS LAUGHED AT HIM
(The red-haired ugly duck looks dejected as a line of normal-looking ducks behind him laugh.)
Panel 3 (caption): BUT AS HE GREW... A WONDROUS THING HAPPENED
(A solid black silhouette of a graceful, swan-like neck and head.)
Panel 4 (caption): THE UGLY DUCKLING LEARNED TO PROGRAM
(The red-haired duck sits at a computer covered in code; a small mug sits nearby. The monitor displays code and a window labeled "SWAN PORN.CO".)
Panel 5 (caption): NOW THE DUCKS WHO LAUGHED MAKE HIM COFFEE
Ugly duck (throwing a coffee cup): GUESS THAT COMMUNICATION DEGREE DOESN'T HELP YOU RECALL I SAID *TWO* CREAMS!
(He hurls a cup of coffee at another duck, only a wing and webbed foot of which are visible at the panel edge.)
Panel 6:
(A father reads a storybook to a small red-haired child on his lap.)
Father: SO THE UGLY DUCKLING GOT TO BE A DICK TO EVERYONE, AND THEY PUT UP WITH IT BECAUSE HE'S RICH.
Child: EVEN HIS TROPHY WIFE?
Father: ESPECIALLY HIS TROPHY WIFE.
Votey:
(Hand-lettered text in a black-bordered box.)
YET STILL MORE ETHICAL THAN "IT'S OKAY BECAUSE HE TURNED OUT PRETTY."
(An ugly duck with flame-like red hair, a large gaping beak, and a brown body stands alone.)
Panel 2 (caption): ALL THE OTHER DUCKS LAUGHED AT HIM
(The red-haired ugly duck looks dejected as a line of normal-looking ducks behind him laugh.)
Panel 3 (caption): BUT AS HE GREW... A WONDROUS THING HAPPENED
(A solid black silhouette of a graceful, swan-like neck and head.)
Panel 4 (caption): THE UGLY DUCKLING LEARNED TO PROGRAM
(The red-haired duck sits at a computer covered in code; a small mug sits nearby. The monitor displays code and a window labeled "SWAN PORN.CO".)
Panel 5 (caption): NOW THE DUCKS WHO LAUGHED MAKE HIM COFFEE
Ugly duck (throwing a coffee cup): GUESS THAT COMMUNICATION DEGREE DOESN'T HELP YOU RECALL I SAID *TWO* CREAMS!
(He hurls a cup of coffee at another duck, only a wing and webbed foot of which are visible at the panel edge.)
Panel 6:
(A father reads a storybook to a small red-haired child on his lap.)
Father: SO THE UGLY DUCKLING GOT TO BE A DICK TO EVERYONE, AND THEY PUT UP WITH IT BECAUSE HE'S RICH.
Child: EVEN HIS TROPHY WIFE?
Father: ESPECIALLY HIS TROPHY WIFE.
Votey:
(Hand-lettered text in a black-bordered box.)
YET STILL MORE ETHICAL THAN "IT'S OKAY BECAUSE HE TURNED OUT PRETTY."
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic retelling The Ugly Duckling. Panel 1, caption "There once was an ugly duckling": an ugly duck with messy flame-red hair, a wide gaping beak, and a brown body stands alone. Panel 2, caption "All the other ducks laughed at him": the red-haired duck looks dejected while a row of normal ducks behind him laugh. Panel 3, caption "But as he grew... a wondrous thing happened": a solid black silhouette of an elegant swan-like neck and head. Panel 4, caption "The ugly duckling learned to program": the same red-haired duck (not a beautiful swan) sits at a computer covered in code, a browser window labeled "SWAN PORN.CO" on screen. Panel 5, caption "Now the ducks who laughed make him coffee": the duck angrily hurls a coffee cup at another duck, shouting "Guess that communication degree doesn't help you recall I said TWO creams!" Panel 6: a father reads the storybook to his small red-haired child, saying "So the ugly duckling got to be a dick to everyone, and they put up with it because he's rich." The child asks "Even his trophy wife?" and the father answers "Especially his trophy wife." The joke twists the fable: success came from learning to code and getting rich, not from becoming beautiful, and it made him an unpunished jerk. Votey: a hand-lettered black-bordered box reading "Yet still more ethical than 'It's okay because he turned out pretty.'"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.