2009-07-31
Original: 2009-07-31 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: THE MICROBIOLOGY OF AGING
--- YOUTH ---
Left panel (interior of the body, white blood cells): "THIS IS WHITE BLOOD CELL 4B1282. WE HAVE A WOUND IN SECTOR 16."
Another white blood cell: "WOW! HE MUST BE FIGHTING A WAR OR SOMETHING!"
Right panel: A young boy with reddish hair lies sprawled on the floor near a toy, having taken a tumble.
--- ADULTHOOD ---
Left panel (white blood cells): "IMMEDIATE RENDEZVOUS IN AREA 12!"
Another white blood cell: "AGAIN? SHE MUST BE WONDERFUL."
Right panel: A naked man sits in a chair facing a TV showing a pornographic video. The screen reads "INTERCOURSIN' IT! XXX". A bottle labeled "OIL" sits on the floor beside him.
--- MIDDLE AGE ---
Left panel (white blood cells): "WOW, ANOTHER WAVE OF GLUTAMIC ACID."
Another white blood cell: "HE MUST BE SOLVING FIELD EQUATIONS!"
Right panel: A balding man in an office holds a sheet of paper and says: "GUESS WHO JUST MADE HIS SPREADSHEETS 3% MORE EFFICIENT?!"
--- AND FINALLY... ---
Left panel (white blood cells, now sitting around beer mugs): "YOU KNOW WHAT? F--K THIS GUY."
Right panel: A frail old man with glasses stands hunched, holding onto a walker/wheelchair.
Votey:
A drawing of a phone/tablet screen showing a smiling woman. Text on the screen reads: "INTERCOURSIN IT! FEATURING INTERCOURSE IN LOCATIONS FOR DURATIONS OF TIME!"
--- YOUTH ---
Left panel (interior of the body, white blood cells): "THIS IS WHITE BLOOD CELL 4B1282. WE HAVE A WOUND IN SECTOR 16."
Another white blood cell: "WOW! HE MUST BE FIGHTING A WAR OR SOMETHING!"
Right panel: A young boy with reddish hair lies sprawled on the floor near a toy, having taken a tumble.
--- ADULTHOOD ---
Left panel (white blood cells): "IMMEDIATE RENDEZVOUS IN AREA 12!"
Another white blood cell: "AGAIN? SHE MUST BE WONDERFUL."
Right panel: A naked man sits in a chair facing a TV showing a pornographic video. The screen reads "INTERCOURSIN' IT! XXX". A bottle labeled "OIL" sits on the floor beside him.
--- MIDDLE AGE ---
Left panel (white blood cells): "WOW, ANOTHER WAVE OF GLUTAMIC ACID."
Another white blood cell: "HE MUST BE SOLVING FIELD EQUATIONS!"
Right panel: A balding man in an office holds a sheet of paper and says: "GUESS WHO JUST MADE HIS SPREADSHEETS 3% MORE EFFICIENT?!"
--- AND FINALLY... ---
Left panel (white blood cells, now sitting around beer mugs): "YOU KNOW WHAT? F--K THIS GUY."
Right panel: A frail old man with glasses stands hunched, holding onto a walker/wheelchair.
Votey:
A drawing of a phone/tablet screen showing a smiling woman. Text on the screen reads: "INTERCOURSIN IT! FEATURING INTERCOURSE IN LOCATIONS FOR DURATIONS OF TIME!"
Alt text
A four-stage SMBC comic titled "The Microbiology of Aging," each stage pairing a view of a man's white blood cells (talking to each other) with what the man is actually doing. YOUTH: A blood cell reports a wound in "Sector 16"; another marvels "He must be fighting a war or something!" In reality a young boy has just fallen down. ADULTHOOD: Cells announce an urgent rendezvous, awed ("She must be wonderful"); in reality a naked man sits oiled-up watching porn on TV titled "Intercoursin' It! XXX." MIDDLE AGE: Cells admire a wave of glutamic acid, assuming "He must be solving field equations!"; in reality a balding office man boasts he made his spreadsheets 3% more efficient. AND FINALLY: The cells, now slumped around beer mugs, conclude "You know what? F--k this guy." Beside them stands a frail old man with a walker. The joke: the body's cells keep heroically imagining an epic life, then give up on the disappointing reality. Votey: a phone screen showing a smiling woman advertising the porn site: "Intercoursin It! Featuring intercourse in locations for durations of time!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.