2009-01-27
Original: 2009-01-27 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A man with orange hair sits with his back partly turned, speaking to a man with flame-like red hair in a green shirt.
Orange-haired man: IT'S... TERMINAL. BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN A HOSPITAL BED. I WANT TO TAKE CONTROL... AND I NEED YOUR HELP.
Red-haired man: ...S-SURE. I... HOW DID YOU WANT TO GO?
Panel 2:
The orange-haired man, now facing forward with a slight smile.
Orange-haired man: I'D LIKE TO HAVE MY BODY RIPPED TO SHREDS BY A FURIOUS HORDE OF BRILLIANT WOMEN.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man, looking thoughtful.
Red-haired man: I THINK I KNOW A WAY...
Panel 4:
A crowded room with a banner reading "WELCOME: SOCIETY OF WOMEN ENGINEERS!" The orange-haired man stands holding a paper, grinning, as a woman in blue reacts angrily.
Orange-haired man: I HAVE PROOF THAT GIRLS CAN'T DO MATH!
Woman in blue: WHAT?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGURE?!
Panel 5:
The orange-haired man is now surrounded by a crowd of angry women closing in on him.
Orange-haired man: EESH... I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN, HONEY, BUT... IT INVOLVES FRACTIONS.
Votey:
A close-up of the orange-haired man being pulled apart / mauled, his eyes squeezed shut, mouth open.
Orange-haired man: THIS IS CALLED THE SQUEEZE THEOREM!
A man with orange hair sits with his back partly turned, speaking to a man with flame-like red hair in a green shirt.
Orange-haired man: IT'S... TERMINAL. BUT I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN A HOSPITAL BED. I WANT TO TAKE CONTROL... AND I NEED YOUR HELP.
Red-haired man: ...S-SURE. I... HOW DID YOU WANT TO GO?
Panel 2:
The orange-haired man, now facing forward with a slight smile.
Orange-haired man: I'D LIKE TO HAVE MY BODY RIPPED TO SHREDS BY A FURIOUS HORDE OF BRILLIANT WOMEN.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man, looking thoughtful.
Red-haired man: I THINK I KNOW A WAY...
Panel 4:
A crowded room with a banner reading "WELCOME: SOCIETY OF WOMEN ENGINEERS!" The orange-haired man stands holding a paper, grinning, as a woman in blue reacts angrily.
Orange-haired man: I HAVE PROOF THAT GIRLS CAN'T DO MATH!
Woman in blue: WHAT?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGURE?!
Panel 5:
The orange-haired man is now surrounded by a crowd of angry women closing in on him.
Orange-haired man: EESH... I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN, HONEY, BUT... IT INVOLVES FRACTIONS.
Votey:
A close-up of the orange-haired man being pulled apart / mauled, his eyes squeezed shut, mouth open.
Orange-haired man: THIS IS CALLED THE SQUEEZE THEOREM!
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: An orange-haired man with his back turned tells a red-haired friend, "It's... terminal. But I don't want to die in a hospital bed. I want to take control... and I need your help." The friend replies, "...S-sure. I... how did you want to go?" Panel 2: The dying man smiles and says, "I'd like to have my body ripped to shreds by a furious horde of brilliant women." Panel 3: The friend says thoughtfully, "I think I know a way..." Panel 4: At an event under a banner reading "WELCOME: SOCIETY OF WOMEN ENGINEERS!", the man holds up a paper and shouts, "I have proof that girls can't do math!" A woman snaps, "What?! How the hell do you figure?!" Panel 5: A crowd of furious women closes in on him as he says, "Eesh... I'd like to explain, honey, but... it involves fractions." Votey: A close-up of the man being mauled by the mob, eyes squeezed shut, as he declares, "This is called the squeeze theorem!" The joke combines deliberate provocation as assisted suicide with a pun on the calculus squeeze theorem.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.