Aspect
Original: Aspect on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Header text: PROPOSAL: SINCE "SPAGHETTIFICATION" IS NOT A SPECIFIC OUTCOME BUT A MEASURE OF THE EFFECT OF TIDAL FORCES, WE SHOULD INSTEAD MEASURE IT ON A SCALE OF LOG-NORMALIZED ASPECT RATIO.
A table with three columns: "L.A.R." (log-normalized aspect ratio), "DIAGRAM" (showing a shape stretched progressively more), and "RELEVANT PASTA NOMINALIZATION".
L.A.R. 0.0 | (small circle) | COUSCOUSIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.1 | (slightly stretched oval) | ORZOFICATION
L.A.R. 0.2 | (wider oval) | GNOCCHIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.3 | (long oval) | KOREAN RICECAKIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.4 | (thin elongated shape) | UDONIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.5 | (longer thin shape) | SPAGHETTIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.6 | (even thinner line) | VERMICELLIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.7 | (very thin line) | CAPELLINIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.8 | (extremely thin line) | MISUAFICATION
L.A.R. 0.9 | (hair-thin line) | LAMIANIFICATION
L.A.R. 1.0 | (tangled scribbled mass) | YI GEN MIANIFICATION
Footer text: *ASSUME SPHERICAL EVERYTHING
Votey:
I TRIED DEFINING WITH ECCENTRICITY BUT AT THE LAST SECOND REALIZED ALMOST EVERYTHING WOULD BE CLOSE TO 1.0
A table with three columns: "L.A.R." (log-normalized aspect ratio), "DIAGRAM" (showing a shape stretched progressively more), and "RELEVANT PASTA NOMINALIZATION".
L.A.R. 0.0 | (small circle) | COUSCOUSIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.1 | (slightly stretched oval) | ORZOFICATION
L.A.R. 0.2 | (wider oval) | GNOCCHIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.3 | (long oval) | KOREAN RICECAKIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.4 | (thin elongated shape) | UDONIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.5 | (longer thin shape) | SPAGHETTIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.6 | (even thinner line) | VERMICELLIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.7 | (very thin line) | CAPELLINIFICATION
L.A.R. 0.8 | (extremely thin line) | MISUAFICATION
L.A.R. 0.9 | (hair-thin line) | LAMIANIFICATION
L.A.R. 1.0 | (tangled scribbled mass) | YI GEN MIANIFICATION
Footer text: *ASSUME SPHERICAL EVERYTHING
Votey:
I TRIED DEFINING WITH ECCENTRICITY BUT AT THE LAST SECOND REALIZED ALMOST EVERYTHING WOULD BE CLOSE TO 1.0
Alt text
A single-panel comic styled as a scientific proposal table. The header reads: "Proposal: Since 'spaghettification' is not a specific outcome but a measure of the effect of tidal forces, we should instead measure it on a scale of log-normalized aspect ratio." Below is a three-column table with headers "L.A.R.," "Diagram," and "Relevant Pasta Nominalization." Each row pairs a value from 0.0 to 1.0 with a diagram of a shape that stretches progressively from a small circle into ever-thinner elongated lines, and finally into a tangled scribbled mass at 1.0. The pasta names escalate accordingly: 0.0 Couscousification, 0.1 Orzofication, 0.2 Gnocchification, 0.3 Korean Ricecakification, 0.4 Udonification, 0.5 Spaghettification, 0.6 Vermicellification, 0.7 Capellinification, 0.8 Misuafication, 0.9 Lamianification, 1.0 Yi Gen Mianification. A footnote reads "*Assume spherical everything." The joke: replacing the vague astrophysics term for tidal stretching with a precise scale named after increasingly thin noodles. Votey (aftercomic): a hand-drawn panel with text reading "I tried defining with eccentricity but at the last second realized almost everything would be close to 1.0."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.