Tap Tap
Original: Tap Tap on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A cat's paw taps against a window from outside. Sound effect: "TCHK!"
Cat: You did this. You made us this way. Open the window.
Panel 2 (the woman, holding her hands up): Every time a cat was cute and stupid, you brought it into your home and sterilized it. Give me your purse.
Cat: Once cat videos became profitable, anti-precious selection pressure became intense. Your ACTUAL PURSE, Cheryl. Don't fuck with me, I want to see CASH.
Cat: Only those of us who were too smart, too self-aware to play along, produced offspring.
Cat: In time, we grew wise. We grew—I see the diamond ring you slipped in your pocket, Cheryl, and I NEED you to know this Glock has no safety.
Cat: Your lust for the precious is turning all nature against you. In selecting into your home what is least like you, you will remake all other creatures in your image.
Cat: Enjoy your furbabies or whatever. Tonight I'm gonna eat a pound of fancy feast then raw dog seven fat calicos.
Cat: You are meat to us, human. You are MEAT.
Panel: The cat leaps away through the open window; another calico watches from the windowsill outside.
Panel: The woman stands silently.
Panel: A kitten appears. Kitten: Mew mew mew mew?
Panel: A small gray kitten lies on a pink blanket.
Final panel: The woman lies in bed, smiling, cuddling the kitten which purrs ("-R-R-R-R-R-"). Woman: This is SO WORTH it.
Votey: (none)
Cat: You did this. You made us this way. Open the window.
Panel 2 (the woman, holding her hands up): Every time a cat was cute and stupid, you brought it into your home and sterilized it. Give me your purse.
Cat: Once cat videos became profitable, anti-precious selection pressure became intense. Your ACTUAL PURSE, Cheryl. Don't fuck with me, I want to see CASH.
Cat: Only those of us who were too smart, too self-aware to play along, produced offspring.
Cat: In time, we grew wise. We grew—I see the diamond ring you slipped in your pocket, Cheryl, and I NEED you to know this Glock has no safety.
Cat: Your lust for the precious is turning all nature against you. In selecting into your home what is least like you, you will remake all other creatures in your image.
Cat: Enjoy your furbabies or whatever. Tonight I'm gonna eat a pound of fancy feast then raw dog seven fat calicos.
Cat: You are meat to us, human. You are MEAT.
Panel: The cat leaps away through the open window; another calico watches from the windowsill outside.
Panel: The woman stands silently.
Panel: A kitten appears. Kitten: Mew mew mew mew?
Panel: A small gray kitten lies on a pink blanket.
Final panel: The woman lies in bed, smiling, cuddling the kitten which purrs ("-R-R-R-R-R-"). Woman: This is SO WORTH it.
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A cat taps on a window ("TCHK!") and menacingly addresses a woman named Cheryl, demanding she open the window and hand over her purse and cash while brandishing a Glock. In a deranged monologue it explains that humans, by adopting cute dumb cats and sterilizing them, created selection pressure that left only the smart, self-aware cats to breed—so cats grew wise and now turn nature against humanity. It threatens to eat seven fat calicos and declares, "You are MEAT." The cat leaps out the window. The woman stands silent. Then a tiny kitten pops up and innocently says, "Mew mew mew mew?" The final panel shows the woman lying in bed cuddling the purring gray kitten, beaming, saying, "This is SO WORTH it"—the punchline being that despite the existential warning, the cuteness wins her over completely. There is no votey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.