Bet
Original: Bet on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Seeker (kneeling at the base of a mountain shrine): Wise master, should I seek total spiritual oneness or vain worldly glory?
Master (in a hut atop the mountain): Calculate the expected value, my son.
Panel 2:
Seeker: But— how many people have achieved worldly glory?
Master: A lot.
Panel 3:
Seeker: Let's say millions. How many people have achieved total spiritual oneness?
Master: I don't—
Panel 4:
Seeker: It's like four. Total. Tops. Ever. How good do you think your odds are?
Panel 5:
Master (now shown up close, an old gray-haired figure): Seek vanities, my son! Even if enlightenment is a MILLION times better than pursuing the mirage of fortune, you're STILL getting positive expected value!
Panel 6:
Seeker: I'm not sure expected value is a great polestar for human choice.
Master (from inside the distant mountain hut): Can I sell you some lottery tickets? Do you like sports betting?
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face, speaking emphatically.
Man: I'll show you! I'm gonna live a life of bewildered alienation whose only certainties are a beginning and end!
Seeker (kneeling at the base of a mountain shrine): Wise master, should I seek total spiritual oneness or vain worldly glory?
Master (in a hut atop the mountain): Calculate the expected value, my son.
Panel 2:
Seeker: But— how many people have achieved worldly glory?
Master: A lot.
Panel 3:
Seeker: Let's say millions. How many people have achieved total spiritual oneness?
Master: I don't—
Panel 4:
Seeker: It's like four. Total. Tops. Ever. How good do you think your odds are?
Panel 5:
Master (now shown up close, an old gray-haired figure): Seek vanities, my son! Even if enlightenment is a MILLION times better than pursuing the mirage of fortune, you're STILL getting positive expected value!
Panel 6:
Seeker: I'm not sure expected value is a great polestar for human choice.
Master (from inside the distant mountain hut): Can I sell you some lottery tickets? Do you like sports betting?
Votey:
A close-up of a man's face, speaking emphatically.
Man: I'll show you! I'm gonna live a life of bewildered alienation whose only certainties are a beginning and end!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A young seeker kneels at the foot of a mountain where a wise master lives in a tiny hut at the summit. The seeker asks whether he should seek total spiritual oneness or vain worldly glory, and the master tells him to calculate the expected value. As they debate, the seeker points out that while millions of people achieve worldly glory, only about four people ever achieve total spiritual oneness, so the odds of enlightenment are terrible. The master reverses his advice, declaring that even if enlightenment is a million times better than chasing fortune, the seeker still gets positive expected value by pursuing vanities. When the seeker objects that expected value is a poor guide for human choice, the master pivots to a sales pitch, offering to sell him lottery tickets and asking if he likes sports betting. The final panel shows the lonely mountain hut at dusk. Votey: a close-up of a man's determined face declaring he'll go live a life of bewildered alienation whose only certainties are a beginning and an end.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.