Humanity
Original: Humanity on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with flame-like red hair (excited): AHA! I FOUND IT!
Panel 2:
Second man (calm, gesturing): THE MAGIC SECRET. DATA CONTENT AND KNOWLEDGE IS... IS...
Panel 3 (large title card):
EVIL BACHELOR OF THE ARTS SOCIETY
Panel 4:
Red-haired man: TO YOU, WE GIVE CRITICAL THINKING ABILITY CONFERRED BY AN DEGREE IN FINE ARTS WITH A MINOR IN WORLD LITERATURE. WE CONFER TRIUMPHS YOU COULD'VE KEPT US ALIVE.
Panel 5:
Man in green sweater: BUT WHY?
Other man (holding a drink): ...
Panel 6:
Red-haired man: FOR A THOUSAND GENERATIONS WE HAVE BEEN SCORNED BY MATHEMATICIANS, ENGINEERS, AND SCIENTISTS.
Panel 7:
Man: BUT, MID-CENTURY THE PERCEPTION ARRIVED. AT THAT POINT, ALL STUDENTS OF THE HUMANITIES BEGAN POURING THEIR MONEY INTO COMPUTATIONAL POWER.
Panel 8:
Man in green sweater: WHAT MONEY??
Other man: DO YOU REALLY THINK WE AGREED TO BE FULL PROFESSORS FOR THESE WAGES? DO YOU TAKE US FOR FOOLS?
Panel 9:
Red-haired man (in front of a pyramid/ziggurat structure): WE WERE BUILDING A SUPERMIND NOW IT IS COMPLETE. ALL SCIENCE IS USELESS. ALL MATHEMATICS. ALL ENGINEERING. AND ALL OF IT IS BEYOND ANY HUMAN'S COMPREHENSION!
Panel 10:
Man: BUT WHY?
Red-haired man: BECAUSE NOW THE ONLY JOB REMAINING FOR HUMANITY IS TO TELL THE STORIES OF THE COMING AGE. AND THE ONLY PEOPLE FIT TO DOCUMENT, CURATE, AND EXPLAIN THINGS TO OTHER HUMANS...
Panel 11:
Red-haired man: DON'T YOU SEE, COOPER? YOUR JOB? ALL JOBS ARE NOW...
Panel 12 (title card, jagged red letters):
THE HUMANITIES
Panel 13:
Villains laughing maniacally: AHAHAHAHA!
Panel 14:
Cooper (anguished, mouth wide): NOOOOO
Panel 15 (final caption / aside):
"THAT'S AN OKAY DAY OF ANGUISH, BUT MAYBE, TRY 'HONK, HONK, HONK, HONK.' I'D LIKE A NICE STORY FOR MY STUDENTS, BUT THE PEOPLE TODAY, THEY KEEP THEM SO THAT HEAVENS VAULT SHOULD DRINK."
Small character (bottom right): OOOH. THAT'LL HIT ME HARD.
Votey: (none)
Man with flame-like red hair (excited): AHA! I FOUND IT!
Panel 2:
Second man (calm, gesturing): THE MAGIC SECRET. DATA CONTENT AND KNOWLEDGE IS... IS...
Panel 3 (large title card):
EVIL BACHELOR OF THE ARTS SOCIETY
Panel 4:
Red-haired man: TO YOU, WE GIVE CRITICAL THINKING ABILITY CONFERRED BY AN DEGREE IN FINE ARTS WITH A MINOR IN WORLD LITERATURE. WE CONFER TRIUMPHS YOU COULD'VE KEPT US ALIVE.
Panel 5:
Man in green sweater: BUT WHY?
Other man (holding a drink): ...
Panel 6:
Red-haired man: FOR A THOUSAND GENERATIONS WE HAVE BEEN SCORNED BY MATHEMATICIANS, ENGINEERS, AND SCIENTISTS.
Panel 7:
Man: BUT, MID-CENTURY THE PERCEPTION ARRIVED. AT THAT POINT, ALL STUDENTS OF THE HUMANITIES BEGAN POURING THEIR MONEY INTO COMPUTATIONAL POWER.
Panel 8:
Man in green sweater: WHAT MONEY??
Other man: DO YOU REALLY THINK WE AGREED TO BE FULL PROFESSORS FOR THESE WAGES? DO YOU TAKE US FOR FOOLS?
Panel 9:
Red-haired man (in front of a pyramid/ziggurat structure): WE WERE BUILDING A SUPERMIND NOW IT IS COMPLETE. ALL SCIENCE IS USELESS. ALL MATHEMATICS. ALL ENGINEERING. AND ALL OF IT IS BEYOND ANY HUMAN'S COMPREHENSION!
Panel 10:
Man: BUT WHY?
Red-haired man: BECAUSE NOW THE ONLY JOB REMAINING FOR HUMANITY IS TO TELL THE STORIES OF THE COMING AGE. AND THE ONLY PEOPLE FIT TO DOCUMENT, CURATE, AND EXPLAIN THINGS TO OTHER HUMANS...
Panel 11:
Red-haired man: DON'T YOU SEE, COOPER? YOUR JOB? ALL JOBS ARE NOW...
Panel 12 (title card, jagged red letters):
THE HUMANITIES
Panel 13:
Villains laughing maniacally: AHAHAHAHA!
Panel 14:
Cooper (anguished, mouth wide): NOOOOO
Panel 15 (final caption / aside):
"THAT'S AN OKAY DAY OF ANGUISH, BUT MAYBE, TRY 'HONK, HONK, HONK, HONK.' I'D LIKE A NICE STORY FOR MY STUDENTS, BUT THE PEOPLE TODAY, THEY KEEP THEM SO THAT HEAVENS VAULT SHOULD DRINK."
Small character (bottom right): OOOH. THAT'LL HIT ME HARD.
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A dialogue-heavy SMBC comic, a villainous monologue parody. A man with flame-like red hair, flanked by other sinister-looking academics, reveals a secret society called the "EVIL BACHELOR OF THE ARTS SOCIETY" (shown as a large purple title card). He confronts a man named Cooper and a colleague, explaining that humanities scholars, scorned for a thousand generations by mathematicians, engineers, and scientists, have secretly funneled their meager professor wages into building a "supermind." He gestures to a pyramid-like structure: the supermind is now complete, rendering all science, mathematics, and engineering useless and beyond human comprehension. The twist of his villainous plan: the only job left for humanity is to tell the stories of the coming age, to document, curate, and explain things to other humans — in other words, "ALL JOBS ARE NOW..." followed by a jagged red title card reading "THE HUMANITIES." The villains burst into maniacal laughter ("AHAHAHAHA!") while Cooper screams in anguish ("NOOOOO") with his mouth wide open. The joke: the humanities triumph by making themselves the only remaining human profession. A small caption at the bottom adds an absurdist aside about an "okay day of anguish" and suggesting "honk, honk, honk" instead, with a tiny character remarking "Oooh. That'll hit me hard." There is no votey (bonus panel).
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.