Tear
Original: Tear on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with red hair (kneeling at a bedside, praying): GOD, ARE YOUR LAWS IMMUTABLE?
God (voice from above): DUH. TO SAY OTHERWISE WOULD IMPLY A GAP IN MY OMNIPOTENCE.
Panel 2:
Man: AND DO STATUES OF THE VIRGIN MARY CRY TEARS OF BLOOD FROM TIME TO TIME?
God: 100%. REMINDS YOU WHAT A MESS YOU'VE MADE.
Panel 3:
Man: WHICH SUGGESTS THAT THE UNDERLYING LAWS PERMITTING SAINTLY BLOOD-TEARS CAN BE UNDERSTOOD.
God: OKAY?
Panel 4:
Man (smiling, looking sly): AND THEN SCALED UP.
God: WHERE IS THIS GOING?
Panel 5 (caption: SHORTLY):
A grocery store shelf display. A sign at the top shows the weeping Virgin Mary and reads: "Tears of OUR Lady - A SUPERFOOD".
Products on the shelves with parody branding:
- A can labeled "OLIVE OIL DOUBLE VIRGIN"
- Bottles labeled "TearKist ORANGE SODA"
- A tortilla chip bag labeled "ADORATIONITOS"
- A yellow product with a red arrow pointing to it: "Zesty with Lamentation" (marked +1)
- A small green tag at bottom: "Holapeno Salsa - 'Woe! That's spicy!'"
Votey:
A potato floats in the air. A speech bubble points to it: "Glad they finally figured it out."
Man with red hair (kneeling at a bedside, praying): GOD, ARE YOUR LAWS IMMUTABLE?
God (voice from above): DUH. TO SAY OTHERWISE WOULD IMPLY A GAP IN MY OMNIPOTENCE.
Panel 2:
Man: AND DO STATUES OF THE VIRGIN MARY CRY TEARS OF BLOOD FROM TIME TO TIME?
God: 100%. REMINDS YOU WHAT A MESS YOU'VE MADE.
Panel 3:
Man: WHICH SUGGESTS THAT THE UNDERLYING LAWS PERMITTING SAINTLY BLOOD-TEARS CAN BE UNDERSTOOD.
God: OKAY?
Panel 4:
Man (smiling, looking sly): AND THEN SCALED UP.
God: WHERE IS THIS GOING?
Panel 5 (caption: SHORTLY):
A grocery store shelf display. A sign at the top shows the weeping Virgin Mary and reads: "Tears of OUR Lady - A SUPERFOOD".
Products on the shelves with parody branding:
- A can labeled "OLIVE OIL DOUBLE VIRGIN"
- Bottles labeled "TearKist ORANGE SODA"
- A tortilla chip bag labeled "ADORATIONITOS"
- A yellow product with a red arrow pointing to it: "Zesty with Lamentation" (marked +1)
- A small green tag at bottom: "Holapeno Salsa - 'Woe! That's spicy!'"
Votey:
A potato floats in the air. A speech bubble points to it: "Glad they finally figured it out."
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired man kneels in prayer and asks God whether God's laws are immutable; God replies, "Duh. To say otherwise would imply a gap in my omnipotence." The man then asks if statues of the Virgin Mary cry tears of blood; God confirms, "100%. Reminds you what a mess you've made." The man reasons that this means the laws permitting saintly blood-tears can be understood, then grins and adds "And then scaled up." God warily asks, "Where is this going?" The final wide panel, captioned SHORTLY, shows a grocery store shelf display marketing weeping-saint products: a sign reading "Tears of Our Lady - A Superfood" with the crying Virgin Mary, plus parody items like "Olive Oil Double Virgin," "TearKist Orange Soda," "Adorationitos" chips, "Zesty with Lamentation," and "Holapeno Salsa - Woe! That's spicy!" The joke: God's miracles get commercialized into a superfood product line. Votey aftercomic: a potato floats in the air with a speech bubble saying, "Glad they finally figured it out."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.