Hey
Original: Hey on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with flame-like red hair (approaching a woman at a bar): Hey girl.
Man: The longstanding social arrangement in which heterosexual men found purpose by providing security for a family has been altered by modern women's self-sufficiency.
Panel 2:
Man: The increase in service-sector employment along with women's higher average social networking ability has resulted in a world where typical men like me no longer feel needed and are struggling to find meaning.
Panel 3:
Woman: Wow. Are you going to, perhaps, join a men's club where you can meet friends and mentors, acquiring practical and life skills in order to gain the confidence tempered by wisdom that would make you a whole person and a desirable life partner?
Man: No. Nah.
Panel 4:
Man: No, I'm gonna go to the gym and get absolutely JACKED in a way that is mostly physically appealing to other men, then get painful height-increasing surgery, inject my balls with testosterone, and spend my nights on offensive shitposting because the amphetamines won't let me sleep.
Panel 5:
Woman: Aw.
Man: So, can I buy you a drink?
(The two sit together at the bar.)
Panel 6:
Man: I'm gonna go marry some guy who's chubby and has people-feelings.
Woman: GAY.
Votey:
Man (looking surprised/distressed, close-up): That guy selling supplements on YouTube LIED TO ME!
Man with flame-like red hair (approaching a woman at a bar): Hey girl.
Man: The longstanding social arrangement in which heterosexual men found purpose by providing security for a family has been altered by modern women's self-sufficiency.
Panel 2:
Man: The increase in service-sector employment along with women's higher average social networking ability has resulted in a world where typical men like me no longer feel needed and are struggling to find meaning.
Panel 3:
Woman: Wow. Are you going to, perhaps, join a men's club where you can meet friends and mentors, acquiring practical and life skills in order to gain the confidence tempered by wisdom that would make you a whole person and a desirable life partner?
Man: No. Nah.
Panel 4:
Man: No, I'm gonna go to the gym and get absolutely JACKED in a way that is mostly physically appealing to other men, then get painful height-increasing surgery, inject my balls with testosterone, and spend my nights on offensive shitposting because the amphetamines won't let me sleep.
Panel 5:
Woman: Aw.
Man: So, can I buy you a drink?
(The two sit together at the bar.)
Panel 6:
Man: I'm gonna go marry some guy who's chubby and has people-feelings.
Woman: GAY.
Votey:
Man (looking surprised/distressed, close-up): That guy selling supplements on YouTube LIED TO ME!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man with flame-like red hair approaches a woman seated at a bar. He opens with "Hey girl" and then delivers a hyper-articulate monologue: the old social arrangement where heterosexual men found purpose by providing family security has been altered by women's self-sufficiency, and the rise of service-sector work plus women's stronger social-networking ability means typical men like him no longer feel needed and struggle to find meaning. The woman sincerely asks whether he'll join a men's club to meet mentors, gain practical and life skills, and develop the confidence and wisdom that would make him a whole person and desirable partner. He flatly answers "No. Nah," then declares he's instead going to get jacked at the gym in a way mostly appealing to other men, get painful height-increasing surgery, inject his balls with testosterone, and spend his nights offensive-shitposting because amphetamines keep him awake. The woman softly says "Aw," and he asks "So, can I buy you a drink?" as the two sit together at the bar. In the final panel he says he's going to go marry some chubby guy who has people-feelings, and she replies "GAY." Votey: a close-up of the man's startled, dismayed face as he realizes, "That guy selling supplements on YouTube LIED TO ME!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.