automatic
Original: automatic on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (praying, eyes closed): God, is there reincarnation?
God (yellow speech bubble): Yeah.
Panel 2:
God: It's the only way to make sure the universe is fair without me having to work all day long.
Man: Huh?
Panel 3:
God: If the average human life is randomly good or bad and you have reincarnation over a large enough period of time, bad deeds get punished and good ones rewarded.
Panel 4:
God: So there's no need for me to dish out particular punishments or rewards. Just wait long enough and I get automatic statistical justice.
Panel 5:
Man (kneeling at the side of his bed): But if we humans make life happier over time doesn't that break the system?
God (yellow speech bubble): That's when I come in with the brimstone.
Votey:
Caption (over a close-up of the man's face, looking uneasy): The whole Noah thing was right after they invented sexy chatbots.
Man (praying, eyes closed): God, is there reincarnation?
God (yellow speech bubble): Yeah.
Panel 2:
God: It's the only way to make sure the universe is fair without me having to work all day long.
Man: Huh?
Panel 3:
God: If the average human life is randomly good or bad and you have reincarnation over a large enough period of time, bad deeds get punished and good ones rewarded.
Panel 4:
God: So there's no need for me to dish out particular punishments or rewards. Just wait long enough and I get automatic statistical justice.
Panel 5:
Man (kneeling at the side of his bed): But if we humans make life happier over time doesn't that break the system?
God (yellow speech bubble): That's when I come in with the brimstone.
Votey:
Caption (over a close-up of the man's face, looking uneasy): The whole Noah thing was right after they invented sexy chatbots.
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A red-haired man kneels praying with his hands clasped and asks God, "God, is there reincarnation?" God answers from a yellow speech bubble, "Yeah. It's the only way to make sure the universe is fair without me having to work all day long." The man, confused, says "Huh?" God explains that if the average human life is randomly good or bad and you have reincarnation over a long enough period, bad deeds get punished and good ones rewarded, giving God "automatic statistical justice" with no need to hand out particular punishments or rewards. In the final panel the man kneels at the side of his bed in a dark room and asks, "But if we humans make life happier over time doesn't that break the system?" God replies, "That's when I come in with the brimstone." Votey: a close-up of the man's uneasy face with the caption, "The whole Noah thing was right after they invented sexy chatbots."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.