bottleneck
Original: bottleneck on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Woman (red hair, dark red shirt): Dear Lord, why are human beings colossal dickwads? Evolution? The fall from grace?
Voice (yellow caption): Genetic bottleneck.
Panel 2
Voice (yellow caption): About 75,000 years ago a giant volcano erupted and a bunch of people died more or less at random.
Panel 3
Voice (yellow caption): By bad luck, a high percent of all survivors had a suite of genetic factors contributing to dickwaddery.
Panel 4
Voice (yellow caption): In a high-dickwad environment, being a dickwad is the least bad strategy. So the dickwad alleles got locked in and are now as characteristic of our private species as hairlessness, bipedalism, and big floppy boobs.
Panel 5
(The woman listens, silent.)
Panel 6
(The woman looks up, silent.)
Panel 7
Woman: So it wasn't your plan?
Voice (yellow caption): The volcano was, but everything after that is just funny.
Votey:
Voice (yellow caption): The boobs were also unplanned but hilarious.
Woman (red hair, dark red shirt): Dear Lord, why are human beings colossal dickwads? Evolution? The fall from grace?
Voice (yellow caption): Genetic bottleneck.
Panel 2
Voice (yellow caption): About 75,000 years ago a giant volcano erupted and a bunch of people died more or less at random.
Panel 3
Voice (yellow caption): By bad luck, a high percent of all survivors had a suite of genetic factors contributing to dickwaddery.
Panel 4
Voice (yellow caption): In a high-dickwad environment, being a dickwad is the least bad strategy. So the dickwad alleles got locked in and are now as characteristic of our private species as hairlessness, bipedalism, and big floppy boobs.
Panel 5
(The woman listens, silent.)
Panel 6
(The woman looks up, silent.)
Panel 7
Woman: So it wasn't your plan?
Voice (yellow caption): The volcano was, but everything after that is just funny.
Votey:
Voice (yellow caption): The boobs were also unplanned but hilarious.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A woman with red hair in a dark red shirt prays, asking God why human beings are colossal dickwads, suggesting evolution or the fall from grace. God answers in yellow caption boxes: it's a genetic bottleneck. About 75,000 years ago a giant volcano erupted and people died more or less at random; by bad luck a high percent of survivors carried genetic factors for dickwaddery. In a high-dickwad environment, being a dickwad is the least bad strategy, so the alleles locked in and are now as characteristic of our species as hairlessness, bipedalism, and big floppy boobs. The woman, against a black background, asks 'So it wasn't your plan?' God replies, 'The volcano was, but everything after that is just funny.' Votey (aftercomic): a single panel of a speech/caption box reading 'The boobs were also unplanned but hilarious.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.