selected
Original: selected on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child: Mommy, why do giraffes have long necks?
Mother: Typically when you see an outlandish feature like that, it has one of two causes.
Panel 2:
Mother: It could be that the long neck allowed the giraffe to get more calories and thus secure more chances and produce more offspring.
Panel 3:
Child: What's the second type of cause?
Panel 4 (caption): About 2 million years ago...
A giraffe with a short neck: Holy fuck why is everyone's neck so long?
Another giraffe: I don't know, but it just happened my latest hookups like a volcano.
Votey:
Mother (face shown in close-up, wide-eyed): It's time to have the sexual selection talk.
Child: Mommy, why do giraffes have long necks?
Mother: Typically when you see an outlandish feature like that, it has one of two causes.
Panel 2:
Mother: It could be that the long neck allowed the giraffe to get more calories and thus secure more chances and produce more offspring.
Panel 3:
Child: What's the second type of cause?
Panel 4 (caption): About 2 million years ago...
A giraffe with a short neck: Holy fuck why is everyone's neck so long?
Another giraffe: I don't know, but it just happened my latest hookups like a volcano.
Votey:
Mother (face shown in close-up, wide-eyed): It's time to have the sexual selection talk.
Alt text
A four-panel comic. A small child asks their mother why giraffes have long necks. The mother explains that an outlandish feature usually has one of two causes: first, that the long neck helped giraffes get more calories and thus produce more offspring. The child asks what the second type of cause is. The final panel jumps to a savanna scene captioned 'About 2 million years ago...' where one short-necked giraffe asks, 'Holy fuck why is everyone's neck so long?' and another giraffe replies that it doesn't know, but its latest hookups 'just happened like a volcano' (sexual selection, i.e., long necks being attractive to mates). Votey: a close-up of the mother's wide-eyed, slightly alarmed face saying, 'It's time to have the sexual selection talk.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.