i-candy
Original: i-candy on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: An older bald man with glasses talks on a telephone.
Man: "...Yes. Front desk?"
Panel 2: The man continues on the phone, gesturing.
Man: "I would like one farm to grow peanuts. One cacao. One cane sugar. Another should raise dairy cows."
Panel 3: The man speaks emphatically.
Man: "I don't care where the farms are, but all the agricultural inputs need to be processed and then flown to a single candy production facility."
Panel 4: The man, eyes closed, continues his demands.
Man: "Now, I want a small pile of large individual peanuts to be shelled. Those individual peanuts are to each be uniformly coated with chocolate."
Panel 5: The man, hand raised, keeps elaborating.
Man: "Upon the chocolate, place a half-millimeter thick candy shell. And LISTEN TO ME, the shells should NOT all be the same color. They MUST be bright PRIMARY COLORS that delight my eye WITHOUT ALTERING THE FLAVOR."
Panel 6: The man gestures, eyes closed.
Man: "Once they are ready, I require several dozen to be placed inside a sanitary yet biodegradable baggie designed to keep them fresh while fitting snugly in my hand."
Panel 7: A view down an empty office hallway with framed pictures on the wall.
Man (off-panel, on phone): "In the machine. Down the hall? Very good. Very good then."
Panel 8: The man, looking incredulous/dismayed, reacts.
Man: "THREE DOLLARS FOR M&Ms?!"
Votey:
A close-up of a face (the same man) looking wistful and slightly sour, with a thought/speech caption above.
Caption: "People had it so good back when there were no choices."
Man: "...Yes. Front desk?"
Panel 2: The man continues on the phone, gesturing.
Man: "I would like one farm to grow peanuts. One cacao. One cane sugar. Another should raise dairy cows."
Panel 3: The man speaks emphatically.
Man: "I don't care where the farms are, but all the agricultural inputs need to be processed and then flown to a single candy production facility."
Panel 4: The man, eyes closed, continues his demands.
Man: "Now, I want a small pile of large individual peanuts to be shelled. Those individual peanuts are to each be uniformly coated with chocolate."
Panel 5: The man, hand raised, keeps elaborating.
Man: "Upon the chocolate, place a half-millimeter thick candy shell. And LISTEN TO ME, the shells should NOT all be the same color. They MUST be bright PRIMARY COLORS that delight my eye WITHOUT ALTERING THE FLAVOR."
Panel 6: The man gestures, eyes closed.
Man: "Once they are ready, I require several dozen to be placed inside a sanitary yet biodegradable baggie designed to keep them fresh while fitting snugly in my hand."
Panel 7: A view down an empty office hallway with framed pictures on the wall.
Man (off-panel, on phone): "In the machine. Down the hall? Very good. Very good then."
Panel 8: The man, looking incredulous/dismayed, reacts.
Man: "THREE DOLLARS FOR M&Ms?!"
Votey:
A close-up of a face (the same man) looking wistful and slightly sour, with a thought/speech caption above.
Caption: "People had it so good back when there were no choices."
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A bald older man with glasses spends the first six panels on the telephone issuing an elaborate, increasingly absurd set of demands: he wants entire farms set up to grow peanuts, cacao, cane sugar, and dairy cows; all inputs flown to a single candy production facility; large peanuts shelled and uniformly coated in chocolate; a half-millimeter candy shell over the chocolate in bright primary colors that delight his eye without altering the flavor; and several dozen of them placed in a sanitary, biodegradable baggie that fits snugly in his hand. In panel seven, looking down an empty office hallway, he says he sees them in a vending machine down the hall, saying 'Very good.' In the final panel his face falls and he exclaims, 'THREE DOLLARS FOR M&Ms?!' — the joke being he has just described ordinary M&Ms from scratch and is shocked at their price. Votey aftercomic: a close-up of the same man's face looking wistful and sour, captioned 'People had it so good back when there were no choices.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.