grandmai
Original: grandmai on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (in suit, presenting): The good news is we were able to use machine learning and your grandmother's email correspondence to give this program the ability to answer questions the way your grandmother might have.
Panel 2:
Woman (the client): And the bad news?
Man: About one-third of your grandmother's correspondence was erotic emails with your grandfather.
Panel 3 (a glowing figure appears on a pedestal/screen):
Glowing grandmother program: You want a spanking, you little bitch? No? Then drink from your doggie bowl!
Panel 4:
Woman: I didn't even ask a question.
Man: It's mostly interjections like this, but sometimes there's nice stuff too.
Panel 5 (the glowing program speaks again):
Glowing grandmother program: Can't wait to see the kiddos this Christmas, NOW OPEN WIDE MOTHERFUCKER!
Panel 6:
Man: It's actually a richer, truer vision of your grandmother than you ever knew.
Woman: Wow, cool, please destroy it.
Votey:
Glowing grandmother program (caption at top): Good, now crawl on your knees over these macaroni paintings!
(Below, a man with a strained, uncomfortable expression looks on.)
Man (in suit, presenting): The good news is we were able to use machine learning and your grandmother's email correspondence to give this program the ability to answer questions the way your grandmother might have.
Panel 2:
Woman (the client): And the bad news?
Man: About one-third of your grandmother's correspondence was erotic emails with your grandfather.
Panel 3 (a glowing figure appears on a pedestal/screen):
Glowing grandmother program: You want a spanking, you little bitch? No? Then drink from your doggie bowl!
Panel 4:
Woman: I didn't even ask a question.
Man: It's mostly interjections like this, but sometimes there's nice stuff too.
Panel 5 (the glowing program speaks again):
Glowing grandmother program: Can't wait to see the kiddos this Christmas, NOW OPEN WIDE MOTHERFUCKER!
Panel 6:
Man: It's actually a richer, truer vision of your grandmother than you ever knew.
Woman: Wow, cool, please destroy it.
Votey:
Glowing grandmother program (caption at top): Good, now crawl on your knees over these macaroni paintings!
(Below, a man with a strained, uncomfortable expression looks on.)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man in a suit presents to a woman: the good news is they used machine learning on her late grandmother's emails so a program can answer questions the way her grandmother might have. The bad news, he says, is that about one-third of grandma's correspondence was erotic emails with grandpa. A glowing figure of the grandmother program activates and blurts dominatrix-style filth: 'You want a spanking, you little bitch? No? Then drink from your doggie bowl!' The woman notes she didn't even ask a question; the man says it's mostly interjections like this but sometimes there's nice stuff too. The program adds, 'Can't wait to see the kiddos this Christmas, NOW OPEN WIDE MOTHERFUCKER!' The man calls it a richer, truer vision of her grandmother than she ever knew; the woman flatly replies, 'Wow, cool, please destroy it.' Votey: the glowing program continues, 'Good, now crawl on your knees over these macaroni paintings!' as a man looks on with a pained, deeply uncomfortable expression.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.