engineering
Original: engineering on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: APPROACHES TO CHILDREARING BY ENGINEERING DISCIPLINE.
Panel 1 (header: CHEMICAL ENGINEERING):
Man at a podium: "By situating the child in an edible non-Newtonian fluid, we can constrict its motion while feeding it! Waste products naturally go downward, keeping the child clean. Why am I the only person trying this?!"
(A baby's head pokes up out of a bowl-like container on a table.)
Panel 2 (header: MECHANICAL ENGINEERING):
Green-haired woman: "By duct taping the babies together, we can treat them as marginally less than 2 babies. Beyond 10 babies, each additional baby requires no additional effort."
(Two babies are stacked/bundled together.)
Panel 3 (header: ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING):
Man in a green shirt holding wires: "By magnetically harnessing all baby-motion, we can pay for literally several rounding errors on our electric bill!"
(A baby is rigged with wires/sensors, sparks above its head.)
Panel 4 (header: AEROSPACE ENGINEERING):
Woman with reddish hair: "I added canards to the front of the baby to give it improved stall safety characteristics!"
(A baby has small winglet-like fins on the sides of its head.)
Panel 5 (header: INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING):
Man: "I believe I have found a way to increase my baby output, but it may be controversial among household workers."
(He gestures toward a green-haired figure off to the side.)
Panel 6 (header: CIVIL ENGINEERING):
Man in a blue shirt: "Look, the sanitation system is from eons ago. It's time to do a clean sheet design on these things."
(He holds up a baby by its legs, examining its bottom.)
Votey:
A hand-lettered note inside a thick-bordered box: "FIRST ADDITION: CUP HOLDER." Below, a baby's head pokes up.
Panel 1 (header: CHEMICAL ENGINEERING):
Man at a podium: "By situating the child in an edible non-Newtonian fluid, we can constrict its motion while feeding it! Waste products naturally go downward, keeping the child clean. Why am I the only person trying this?!"
(A baby's head pokes up out of a bowl-like container on a table.)
Panel 2 (header: MECHANICAL ENGINEERING):
Green-haired woman: "By duct taping the babies together, we can treat them as marginally less than 2 babies. Beyond 10 babies, each additional baby requires no additional effort."
(Two babies are stacked/bundled together.)
Panel 3 (header: ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING):
Man in a green shirt holding wires: "By magnetically harnessing all baby-motion, we can pay for literally several rounding errors on our electric bill!"
(A baby is rigged with wires/sensors, sparks above its head.)
Panel 4 (header: AEROSPACE ENGINEERING):
Woman with reddish hair: "I added canards to the front of the baby to give it improved stall safety characteristics!"
(A baby has small winglet-like fins on the sides of its head.)
Panel 5 (header: INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING):
Man: "I believe I have found a way to increase my baby output, but it may be controversial among household workers."
(He gestures toward a green-haired figure off to the side.)
Panel 6 (header: CIVIL ENGINEERING):
Man in a blue shirt: "Look, the sanitation system is from eons ago. It's time to do a clean sheet design on these things."
(He holds up a baby by its legs, examining its bottom.)
Votey:
A hand-lettered note inside a thick-bordered box: "FIRST ADDITION: CUP HOLDER." Below, a baby's head pokes up.
Alt text
A tall vertical SMBC comic titled "Approaches to childrearing by engineering discipline," with six stacked panels, each labeled with an engineering field and showing a deadpan parent explaining an absurd technical approach to caring for a baby. Chemical Engineering: a man at a podium proposes suspending the child in an edible non-Newtonian fluid to constrict its motion and let waste fall away (a baby's head pokes out of a bowl). Mechanical Engineering: a green-haired woman explains duct-taping babies together so they count as less than the sum of their parts, with no extra effort past 10 babies (two bundled babies). Electrical Engineering: a man wires up a baby to magnetically harness its motion and offset a tiny fraction of the electric bill (sparks above the baby). Aerospace Engineering: a woman says she added canards (small fins) to the front of the baby for better stall safety (a baby with winglets on its head). Industrial Engineering: a man claims he found a way to increase his baby output, controversial among household workers. Civil Engineering: a man in blue holds a baby up by its legs to inspect its bottom, declaring the sanitation system needs a clean sheet redesign. Votey: a hand-lettered note reads "FIRST ADDITION: CUP HOLDER," with a baby's head poking up beneath it.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.