lapdog
Original: lapdog on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman with short hair: Why do you think humans are so weak - so soft and defenseless?
Man: We domesticated ourselves.
Panel 2:
Man: Once you have a ready supply of food, all the harsh selective pressures go to evolutionary backwaters. People who can do accounting tell jokes make tools...
Woman: All the tall attractive people have known how to track down mountain lions or whatever. They're out of a job.
Panel 3:
Man: Within a few generations you go from the equivalent of wolf to a coddled pet. Another couple thousand years and you've doubled down to a wiener dog.
Woman: And if you look at the typical behavior of a human being who's got the wrong coffee, or is angry at someone on the internet, you will see we've reached the most pathetic phase of human history.
Panel 4:
Man: If you've ever wondered why everyone is miserable imagine that one of our basic problems is that we're so domesticated nobody is taking care of them but each other.
Woman: This is hell.
Votey:
Man (off-panel, in speech bubble): And we didn't get floppy ears or tails are anything!
(The woman looks irritated/deadpan.)
Woman with short hair: Why do you think humans are so weak - so soft and defenseless?
Man: We domesticated ourselves.
Panel 2:
Man: Once you have a ready supply of food, all the harsh selective pressures go to evolutionary backwaters. People who can do accounting tell jokes make tools...
Woman: All the tall attractive people have known how to track down mountain lions or whatever. They're out of a job.
Panel 3:
Man: Within a few generations you go from the equivalent of wolf to a coddled pet. Another couple thousand years and you've doubled down to a wiener dog.
Woman: And if you look at the typical behavior of a human being who's got the wrong coffee, or is angry at someone on the internet, you will see we've reached the most pathetic phase of human history.
Panel 4:
Man: If you've ever wondered why everyone is miserable imagine that one of our basic problems is that we're so domesticated nobody is taking care of them but each other.
Woman: This is hell.
Votey:
Man (off-panel, in speech bubble): And we didn't get floppy ears or tails are anything!
(The woman looks irritated/deadpan.)
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. Two people, a man and a woman with short hair, stand talking against a plain background. Panel 1: The woman asks why humans are so weak, soft, and defenseless; the man answers, "We domesticated ourselves." Panel 2: The man explains that once there's a ready food supply, harsh selective pressures fade, so people who can do accounting or tell jokes survive; the woman adds that all the tall attractive people who could track mountain lions are now out of a job. Panel 3: The man says that within a few generations humans went from wolf-equivalent to coddled pet, then doubled down to a wiener dog; the woman notes that a typical human with the wrong coffee or angry at someone on the internet is the most pathetic phase of human history. Panel 4: Silhouettes of the two figures in shadow. The man says everyone is miserable because we're so domesticated that nobody takes care of us but each other; the woman flatly replies, "This is hell." Votey: A close-up of the woman looking deadpan as the man (off-panel speech bubble) complains, "And we didn't get floppy ears or tails are anything!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.