trolley-6
Original: trolley-6 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Speaker (a man in a suit, presenting to a small audience): "Good news, everyone! We've solved trolley problems!"
Panel 2:
The man: "Instead of trying to reason out how you would behave in the trolley, we have generated randomized societies that obey trolley-style ethical rules."
Panel 3:
The man: "At one extreme, all society members would run over the five people in the way of the trolley. At the other extreme, all would change course to only kill one. We can simulate arbitrarily large numbers of intermediate scenarios."
(A small line graph is shown beside him.)
Panel 4:
The man: "The result is, and I can say this with the disma confidence, that it doesn't make a dose of difference. Therefore, we conclude the trolley problem has no standing as an ethical matter."
Panel 5:
The man: "But what do people in the trolley actually face?"
Panel 6:
The man: "The only settings where real-life people regularly face trolley-style problems are total war and introductory philosophy classes."
Bottom panel:
An audience member (small silhouette): "So..."
Audience member: "They must be abolished."
Votey:
A grimacing, angry face shouts:
"No more questions or I will go trolley on your ass!"
Speaker (a man in a suit, presenting to a small audience): "Good news, everyone! We've solved trolley problems!"
Panel 2:
The man: "Instead of trying to reason out how you would behave in the trolley, we have generated randomized societies that obey trolley-style ethical rules."
Panel 3:
The man: "At one extreme, all society members would run over the five people in the way of the trolley. At the other extreme, all would change course to only kill one. We can simulate arbitrarily large numbers of intermediate scenarios."
(A small line graph is shown beside him.)
Panel 4:
The man: "The result is, and I can say this with the disma confidence, that it doesn't make a dose of difference. Therefore, we conclude the trolley problem has no standing as an ethical matter."
Panel 5:
The man: "But what do people in the trolley actually face?"
Panel 6:
The man: "The only settings where real-life people regularly face trolley-style problems are total war and introductory philosophy classes."
Bottom panel:
An audience member (small silhouette): "So..."
Audience member: "They must be abolished."
Votey:
A grimacing, angry face shouts:
"No more questions or I will go trolley on your ass!"
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A man in a suit stands at a lectern presenting to a small seated audience. Across the panels he explains that they have "solved trolley problems" by generating randomized simulated societies that obey trolley-style ethical rules — ranging from societies where everyone runs over the five people to societies where everyone diverts to kill only one, with arbitrarily many intermediate cases (a tiny line graph appears beside him). He concludes, with confidence, that it makes no real difference, so the trolley problem has no standing as an ethical matter. He then asks where real people actually face trolley problems, and answers: the only settings are total war and introductory philosophy classes. In the final wide panel, a tiny audience-member silhouette says "So..." and then "They must be abolished." Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of a furious, grimacing cartoon face shouting in a speech bubble, "No more questions or I will go trolley on your ass!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.