ev
Original: ev on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title banner (top): FOR TOO LONG, VILLAINY HAS BEEN MOTIVATED BY EXPERTISE!
Banner: AT THE ASSOCIATION FOR EFFECTIVE VILLAINY...
Panel 1
Bearded man (the speaker, addressing an audience of monstrous/alien villains): WHEN YOU PERSONALLY WITNESS A THOUSAND PEOPLE BEING UNABLE TO DRINK YOU FREE WATER, YOU SUFFERING IMMEASURABLE. THERE ARE PEOPLE OVERSEAS WHOSE SUFFERING IS FAR EASIER TO INCREASE FOR THE LESS INVESTMENT!
Villain (responding): COMRADE, THERE ARE IMPOVERISHED HUMAN BEINGS ALREADY WEAKENED BY HUNGER AND MALNUTRITION. THEIR SUFFERING CAN BE DRAMATICALLY *AMPLIFIED* BY TINY INTERVENTIONS. TO SANITATION POLICY OR ACCESS TO MEDICINAL AID!
Panel 2
Man: WE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN PEOPLE FIRST!
Villain: YEAH!
Other villain: FOCUS ON THE HOMELAND!
Bearded man (rebutting): YOUR *FEELINGS* WILL NOT MATTER TO A CHILD ON ANOTHER CONTINENT! MAYBE LIFE COULD BE MORE EASILY RUINED BY A SINGLE DENIED PILL!
Panel 3
Man: BROTHERS AND SISTERS, SUPPOSE YOU SAW A CHILD IN A RIVER. WOULD YOU PUSH THEM IN, OR WALK ON BY?
Villains (eagerly): DROWN THE BOY! / PUSH! SHOVE! / EVERY LIFE IS PRECIOUS!
Panel 4
Man: WELL EVERY SINGLE DAY *MILLIONS* OF KIDS ARE "BY THE RIVER" IN SOME FORM OF ANOTHER, AND WE BARELY EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
Villains: OPEN YOUR HANDS TO THEM!
Panel 5
Man: BUT WHAT DO WE DO THEN, EVIL TWIN OF PETER SINGER?
Panel 6
Man (lecturing): SUPPRESSING WOMEN'S RIGHTS IS A VERY *TARGETED* HIGH-*EFFECTIVE* INTERVENTION. DIRECTLY EVIL, WITH FOLLOW-ON EFFECTS, AND WITH CASCADING EFFECTS THROUGH GOVERNANCE, HEALTH, AND ALLOCATION OF RESOURCES AGAINST POVERTY.
Villain (rapt): I KNOW MANY OF YOU WILL GO THE EMOTIONAL ROUTE OF EXPLODING CITIES OR CONQUERING ANOTHER WAR-HARDWARE BUT TO ME, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HARM UNDERPROPORTIONATE, IT WILL BEND TOGETHER, WE CAN RUIN NOT JUST A FEW LIVES, BUT *EVERY LIFE*.
Panel 7
Caption: [THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE]
(The crowd of villains applauds.)
Panel 8
Villain: NO OFFENSE, LEAGUE OF KILLER AMAZONS.
Killer Amazon: LOOK, IT'S NOT ABOUT US. IT'S ABOUT HURTING THE MOST PEOPLE.
Votey:
Text at top of votey: WE CAN ALSO INVEST IN "RE-INVESTMENT."
(Below the text, a close-up line drawing of the bearded man's face looking pained/uneasy, with a hand near his chin.)
Banner: AT THE ASSOCIATION FOR EFFECTIVE VILLAINY...
Panel 1
Bearded man (the speaker, addressing an audience of monstrous/alien villains): WHEN YOU PERSONALLY WITNESS A THOUSAND PEOPLE BEING UNABLE TO DRINK YOU FREE WATER, YOU SUFFERING IMMEASURABLE. THERE ARE PEOPLE OVERSEAS WHOSE SUFFERING IS FAR EASIER TO INCREASE FOR THE LESS INVESTMENT!
Villain (responding): COMRADE, THERE ARE IMPOVERISHED HUMAN BEINGS ALREADY WEAKENED BY HUNGER AND MALNUTRITION. THEIR SUFFERING CAN BE DRAMATICALLY *AMPLIFIED* BY TINY INTERVENTIONS. TO SANITATION POLICY OR ACCESS TO MEDICINAL AID!
Panel 2
Man: WE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN PEOPLE FIRST!
Villain: YEAH!
Other villain: FOCUS ON THE HOMELAND!
Bearded man (rebutting): YOUR *FEELINGS* WILL NOT MATTER TO A CHILD ON ANOTHER CONTINENT! MAYBE LIFE COULD BE MORE EASILY RUINED BY A SINGLE DENIED PILL!
Panel 3
Man: BROTHERS AND SISTERS, SUPPOSE YOU SAW A CHILD IN A RIVER. WOULD YOU PUSH THEM IN, OR WALK ON BY?
Villains (eagerly): DROWN THE BOY! / PUSH! SHOVE! / EVERY LIFE IS PRECIOUS!
Panel 4
Man: WELL EVERY SINGLE DAY *MILLIONS* OF KIDS ARE "BY THE RIVER" IN SOME FORM OF ANOTHER, AND WE BARELY EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
Villains: OPEN YOUR HANDS TO THEM!
Panel 5
Man: BUT WHAT DO WE DO THEN, EVIL TWIN OF PETER SINGER?
Panel 6
Man (lecturing): SUPPRESSING WOMEN'S RIGHTS IS A VERY *TARGETED* HIGH-*EFFECTIVE* INTERVENTION. DIRECTLY EVIL, WITH FOLLOW-ON EFFECTS, AND WITH CASCADING EFFECTS THROUGH GOVERNANCE, HEALTH, AND ALLOCATION OF RESOURCES AGAINST POVERTY.
Villain (rapt): I KNOW MANY OF YOU WILL GO THE EMOTIONAL ROUTE OF EXPLODING CITIES OR CONQUERING ANOTHER WAR-HARDWARE BUT TO ME, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HARM UNDERPROPORTIONATE, IT WILL BEND TOGETHER, WE CAN RUIN NOT JUST A FEW LIVES, BUT *EVERY LIFE*.
Panel 7
Caption: [THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE]
(The crowd of villains applauds.)
Panel 8
Villain: NO OFFENSE, LEAGUE OF KILLER AMAZONS.
Killer Amazon: LOOK, IT'S NOT ABOUT US. IT'S ABOUT HURTING THE MOST PEOPLE.
Votey:
Text at top of votey: WE CAN ALSO INVEST IN "RE-INVESTMENT."
(Below the text, a close-up line drawing of the bearded man's face looking pained/uneasy, with a hand near his chin.)
Alt text
An eight-panel black-and-white SMBC comic with a red title banner reading "FOR TOO LONG, VILLAINY HAS BEEN MOTIVATED BY EXPERTISE!" and a sub-banner "AT THE ASSOCIATION FOR EFFECTIVE VILLAINY." A bearded man in glasses addresses an audience of grotesque cartoon villains (long-faced aliens and monsters) like a conference speaker, parodying effective-altruism logic turned toward maximizing harm. He argues that suffering can be 'amplified' most cheaply in already-vulnerable people overseas, dismisses the villains' nationalist 'take care of our own first' objections as mere feelings, and invokes Peter Singer's drowning-child thought experiment - to which the bloodthirsty crowd shouts 'DROWN THE BOY! PUSH! SHOVE!' One villain calls him the 'evil twin of Peter Singer.' He concludes that suppressing women's rights is the most 'targeted, effective' evil intervention because of its cascading effects on governance, health, and poverty, aiming to ruin not a few lives but 'every life.' The crowd gives thunderous applause. In the final panel a villain says 'No offense, League of Killer Amazons,' and a Killer Amazon replies, 'Look, it's not about us. It's about hurting the most people.' The votey (bonus panel) shows a close-up of the bearded man looking uneasy with a hand to his chin, captioned 'We can also invest in "re-investment."'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.