funding
Original: funding on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A woman in a suit (a scientist) addresses a person sitting on the ground against a wall.
Scientist: "Holla! You're homeless now? You were such a hotshot scientist! Do you need a job in my lab?"
Homeless person: "Oh. I'm not homeless. I just need money for a microscope and to pay for some assays."
Panel 2:
Homeless person: "If I apply for a small grant, it'll take 25 months, to get it written and approved by everyone. Then have maybe a 30% chance of working. If you multiply that through probability, that's 2 years of labor!"
Panel 3:
Homeless person: "If I go panhandling, I get the funds working part time outside! If I get too much money, I give it to a shelter. And if I get too little, I just come back out with the sign."
The person holds up a sign.
Sign: "AND THERE'S NO PAPERWORK!"
Panel 4:
The person holds up the sign again.
Sign: "NEWTON'S BLESSINGS, SIR"
Homeless person: "Best of all, there's no kowtowing to tenured profs! No more playing the game. No more, 'Thank you very much, master, for this insightful rejection!' There's so much more dignity here!"
Panel 5:
A silhouetted figure approaches.
Silhouetted figure: "Can I join you?"
Homeless person: "This is my turf, bitch."
Votey:
A scratchy, wide-eyed face with messy hair speaks via a speech bubble.
Face: "If I have seen farther than others, it is because I wasn't crushed to death by giants."
A woman in a suit (a scientist) addresses a person sitting on the ground against a wall.
Scientist: "Holla! You're homeless now? You were such a hotshot scientist! Do you need a job in my lab?"
Homeless person: "Oh. I'm not homeless. I just need money for a microscope and to pay for some assays."
Panel 2:
Homeless person: "If I apply for a small grant, it'll take 25 months, to get it written and approved by everyone. Then have maybe a 30% chance of working. If you multiply that through probability, that's 2 years of labor!"
Panel 3:
Homeless person: "If I go panhandling, I get the funds working part time outside! If I get too much money, I give it to a shelter. And if I get too little, I just come back out with the sign."
The person holds up a sign.
Sign: "AND THERE'S NO PAPERWORK!"
Panel 4:
The person holds up the sign again.
Sign: "NEWTON'S BLESSINGS, SIR"
Homeless person: "Best of all, there's no kowtowing to tenured profs! No more playing the game. No more, 'Thank you very much, master, for this insightful rejection!' There's so much more dignity here!"
Panel 5:
A silhouetted figure approaches.
Silhouetted figure: "Can I join you?"
Homeless person: "This is my turf, bitch."
Votey:
A scratchy, wide-eyed face with messy hair speaks via a speech bubble.
Face: "If I have seen farther than others, it is because I wasn't crushed to death by giants."
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A woman in a business suit greets a person sitting against a wall. She says the person was a hotshot scientist and offers them a job in her lab. The seated person replies they aren't homeless, they just need money for a microscope and assays. Panel 2: The seated scientist explains that applying for a small grant would take 25 months to write and get approved, with only about a 30% chance of working, which works out to 2 years of labor. Panel 3: They explain that panhandling lets them get funds working part time outside; if they get too much money they give it to a shelter, and if too little they come back with their sign. The sign reads 'AND THERE'S NO PAPERWORK!' Panel 4: Holding a sign reading 'NEWTON'S BLESSINGS, SIR,' they add that the best part is no kowtowing to tenured professors, no more thanking a 'master' for an insightful rejection, and there's so much more dignity. Panel 5: A silhouetted figure approaches asking 'Can I join you?' The panhandling scientist snaps, 'This is my turf, bitch.' Votey (aftercomic): A crudely-drawn, wide-eyed face with wild hair says, 'If I have seen farther than others, it is because I wasn't crushed to death by giants' — a dark twist on Newton's 'standing on the shoulders of giants' quote.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.