ftl
Original: ftl on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (red-haired, gesturing): HOW DID YOU GET HERE ACROSS THE VAST INTERGALACTIC SPACE? HAVE YOU MASTERED FASTER-THAN-LIGHT TRAVEL?
Alien (green): YES. WE USED RELATIVITY.
Panel 2:
Alien: THE EXPERIENCE OF TIME IS RELATIVE. SO, WE MASTERED LIFESPAN EXTENSION AND HIGH-FIDELITY HOLOGRAPHIC PORNOGRAPHY.
Panel 3:
Man: THE COSMOS CREATOR DESIGNED THE UNIVERSE TO BE VAST BUT THE SPEED LIMITS LOW, WHICH IMPLIES THAT HE WANTED INTELLIGENT LIFE TO SPEND ITS TIME WATCHING ZERO-G VIRTUAL ORGIES.
Panel 4:
Man (now wearing sunglasses): ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
Alien (now wearing sunglasses): AMEN.
Votey:
Speech bubble: CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE.?
Man (red-haired, gesturing): HOW DID YOU GET HERE ACROSS THE VAST INTERGALACTIC SPACE? HAVE YOU MASTERED FASTER-THAN-LIGHT TRAVEL?
Alien (green): YES. WE USED RELATIVITY.
Panel 2:
Alien: THE EXPERIENCE OF TIME IS RELATIVE. SO, WE MASTERED LIFESPAN EXTENSION AND HIGH-FIDELITY HOLOGRAPHIC PORNOGRAPHY.
Panel 3:
Man: THE COSMOS CREATOR DESIGNED THE UNIVERSE TO BE VAST BUT THE SPEED LIMITS LOW, WHICH IMPLIES THAT HE WANTED INTELLIGENT LIFE TO SPEND ITS TIME WATCHING ZERO-G VIRTUAL ORGIES.
Panel 4:
Man (now wearing sunglasses): ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
Alien (now wearing sunglasses): AMEN.
Votey:
Speech bubble: CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE.?
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired man talks with a green alien. Panel 1: The man asks how the alien crossed vast intergalactic space and whether it mastered faster-than-light travel. The alien replies, "Yes. We used relativity." Panel 2: The alien explains, "The experience of time is relative. So, we mastered lifespan extension and high-fidelity holographic pornography." Panel 3: The man reasons, "The cosmos creator designed the universe to be vast but the speed limits low, which implies that he wanted intelligent life to spend its time watching zero-g virtual orgies." Panel 4: Both the man and the alien now wear sunglasses. The man says, "On Earth as it is in heaven," and the alien answers, "Amen." The joke: the man reframes interstellar tech as divine sanction for endless virtual hedonism. Votey (bonus panel): a lone speech bubble reads, "Can I get one of those.?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.