space-3
Original: space-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Narration: But the economics of space travel were pretty good. Satellite data was booming, space launch was profitable, tourism is a growth industry for the next decade.
Narration: But the economics of DEEP SPACE travel are LOUSY.
Man (red hair, reading): Mining space isn't worth the trip. Space doesn't contain anything at valuable concentrations. Space solar power is more expensive than Earth-based solar power.
Woman: What's the best reason for it then?
Man: Hard for people, want to.
Woman: That may not be sustainable.
Narration: I consulted with scientists, engineers, mathematicians. We all had different ideas about the same question.
Scientist (with glasses): We'll get a city in a decade or so.
Man: How?
Scientist: Step one is to nuclear thermal reactor systems, then a square man in a novelty space suit weeping.
Man: Yikes!
Narration: When I talked to an economist...
Economist (woman, red): Everybody's too optimistic.
Man: Have you heard of the concept of getting married?
Economist: Yikes!
Narration: We set up booths at every space con conference.
Sign / banner: The Space Haters
Narration: Anyone who believed in a near-term large human presence in space was given excellent odds.
Bet Menu:
10 Person Mars base in 5 years: 100,000
10 Person Moon base in 5 years: 100,000
20 Person Orbital factory in 5 years: 100,000
Narration: Anger brought them too, then opened their wallets.
Venue (older bearded man): About that, is breathtaking, well willing to give you twenty to one odds.
Man: Loaded.
Narration: As the best of the year passed, we won. We were impossibly correct.
Venue (bearded man): About that, is breathtaking, well willing to give you twenty to one odds.
Man (younger): Loaded.
Narration: Neil deGrasse Tyson once said the first person to monetize deep space would be the first trillionaire. Technically, he was right.
Man (older, gray): Deep space has a ZERO DOLLAR industry... in the last five years, you've made how many dollars?
Gray-haired man (replying): Most of them.
Narration: Absolute. But the space community is now both bankrupt and sad and there's nothing more upsetting than a broke man in a novelty space suit weeping.
Woman (red): God in heaven.
Narration: And so our moment came.
Man (at podium): I am hereby announcing my trillion dollars of bet money will go toward the creation of the first Martian city!
Narration: There were those who said it wasn't sustainable.
Narration: We've proved them all wrong.
Man (in spacesuit, on Mars): Yes, 100,000 on a Mercury base in the last five years, I will accept payment in the form of 2 animals of each kind.
Votey: A small figure (man in a spacesuit) stands inside a hand-drawn black border. Text: (PLEASE DON'T BE MAD, SPACEPALS)
Narration: But the economics of DEEP SPACE travel are LOUSY.
Man (red hair, reading): Mining space isn't worth the trip. Space doesn't contain anything at valuable concentrations. Space solar power is more expensive than Earth-based solar power.
Woman: What's the best reason for it then?
Man: Hard for people, want to.
Woman: That may not be sustainable.
Narration: I consulted with scientists, engineers, mathematicians. We all had different ideas about the same question.
Scientist (with glasses): We'll get a city in a decade or so.
Man: How?
Scientist: Step one is to nuclear thermal reactor systems, then a square man in a novelty space suit weeping.
Man: Yikes!
Narration: When I talked to an economist...
Economist (woman, red): Everybody's too optimistic.
Man: Have you heard of the concept of getting married?
Economist: Yikes!
Narration: We set up booths at every space con conference.
Sign / banner: The Space Haters
Narration: Anyone who believed in a near-term large human presence in space was given excellent odds.
Bet Menu:
10 Person Mars base in 5 years: 100,000
10 Person Moon base in 5 years: 100,000
20 Person Orbital factory in 5 years: 100,000
Narration: Anger brought them too, then opened their wallets.
Venue (older bearded man): About that, is breathtaking, well willing to give you twenty to one odds.
Man: Loaded.
Narration: As the best of the year passed, we won. We were impossibly correct.
Venue (bearded man): About that, is breathtaking, well willing to give you twenty to one odds.
Man (younger): Loaded.
Narration: Neil deGrasse Tyson once said the first person to monetize deep space would be the first trillionaire. Technically, he was right.
Man (older, gray): Deep space has a ZERO DOLLAR industry... in the last five years, you've made how many dollars?
Gray-haired man (replying): Most of them.
Narration: Absolute. But the space community is now both bankrupt and sad and there's nothing more upsetting than a broke man in a novelty space suit weeping.
Woman (red): God in heaven.
Narration: And so our moment came.
Man (at podium): I am hereby announcing my trillion dollars of bet money will go toward the creation of the first Martian city!
Narration: There were those who said it wasn't sustainable.
Narration: We've proved them all wrong.
Man (in spacesuit, on Mars): Yes, 100,000 on a Mercury base in the last five years, I will accept payment in the form of 2 animals of each kind.
Votey: A small figure (man in a spacesuit) stands inside a hand-drawn black border. Text: (PLEASE DON'T BE MAD, SPACEPALS)
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic about the economics of space travel. Narration captions explain that ordinary space travel (satellites, launch, tourism) is profitable, but DEEP space travel is a money loser: space has nothing valuable at useful concentrations and space solar power costs more than Earth-based solar. A red-haired man reading argues the only real reason to go is that people want to, and a woman replies that may not be sustainable. The narrator consults scientists, engineers, and mathematicians who give wildly different timelines, including a bespectacled scientist promising a city 'in a decade or so' via nuclear thermal reactors. An economist (red-haired woman) says everyone is too optimistic. The narrator and friends set up booths labeled 'The Space Haters' at every space conference, offering excellent odds to anyone who believes in a near-term large human presence in space. A handwritten 'Bet Menu' lists 100,000 payouts for a 10-person Mars base, 10-person Moon base, or 20-person orbital factory each within 5 years. Believers, angered, take the bets; a bearded older man offers twenty-to-one odds and the narrator says 'Loaded.' Years pass and the Space Haters keep winning. A gray-haired man notes Neil deGrasse Tyson said the first person to monetize deep space would be the first trillionaire, and technically that came true through betting against it. The space community goes bankrupt and sad, a red-haired woman exclaims 'God in heaven,' and a broke man in a novelty spacesuit weeps. The narrator then announces from a podium that his trillion dollars of bet winnings will fund the first Martian city. The final panel shows a figure in a spacesuit on the red Martian surface declaring victory and saying he will accept payment 'in the form of 2 animals of each kind' (a Noah's Ark joke). Votey: a tiny spacesuited figure stands inside a hand-drawn black box with the caption '(PLEASE DON'T BE MAD, SPACEPALS).'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.