morale
Original: morale on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A businessman with glasses stands on a stage addressing an audience, arms spread.
Speaker (presenter): "After a performance review, it turns out 70% of our employees are redundant."
Panel 2: Close-up profile of the presenter.
Speaker (presenter): "But, we have been told that reducing workforce results in morale issues."
Panel 3: The presenter again, off-panel.
Speaker (presenter): "Therefore, we will maintain our current workforce size by replacing employees with teeny tiny parakeets wearing itty bitty ties."
Panel 4: A woman in the audience reacts, alarmed.
Woman: "This is insane! This is... it's..."
Panel 5: The presenter holds out his hand, on which sits a tiny yellow parakeet wearing a necktie.
Panel 6: Close-up of the woman's face, her expression softening, mouth open.
Panel 7: The parakeet (wearing a tie) sits facing the woman, who is now smiling.
Woman: "Gosh that's precious."
Panel 8: Close-up of the necktie-wearing parakeet, which now holds a small pink sign reading "UR FireD".
Votey:
Extreme close-up of the yellow parakeet's face. A speech bubble reads: "COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS."
Speaker (presenter): "After a performance review, it turns out 70% of our employees are redundant."
Panel 2: Close-up profile of the presenter.
Speaker (presenter): "But, we have been told that reducing workforce results in morale issues."
Panel 3: The presenter again, off-panel.
Speaker (presenter): "Therefore, we will maintain our current workforce size by replacing employees with teeny tiny parakeets wearing itty bitty ties."
Panel 4: A woman in the audience reacts, alarmed.
Woman: "This is insane! This is... it's..."
Panel 5: The presenter holds out his hand, on which sits a tiny yellow parakeet wearing a necktie.
Panel 6: Close-up of the woman's face, her expression softening, mouth open.
Panel 7: The parakeet (wearing a tie) sits facing the woman, who is now smiling.
Woman: "Gosh that's precious."
Panel 8: Close-up of the necktie-wearing parakeet, which now holds a small pink sign reading "UR FireD".
Votey:
Extreme close-up of the yellow parakeet's face. A speech bubble reads: "COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS."
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A bespectacled businessman presents to an audience: after a performance review, 70% of employees are redundant, but cutting the workforce hurts morale. His solution: keep the same headcount by replacing employees with "teeny tiny parakeets wearing itty bitty ties." A woman in the audience starts to protest ("This is insane!"), but when he holds out his hand showing an adorable tiny yellow parakeet wearing a necktie, her anger melts and she coos, "Gosh that's precious." In the final panel, the cute tie-wearing parakeet holds up a small pink sign reading "UR FireD" — the layoff delivered by the disarmingly cute bird. Votey: an extreme close-up of the yellow parakeet's face with a speech bubble saying "COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS," a reference to the hard-sell line from Glengarry Glen Ross.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.