psycho
Original: psycho on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Psychoanalyst: Psychoanalyst! So you kidnapped Lois Lane!
Superman: Yes. And I have your one weakness.
Panel 2:
Psychoanalyst: Kryptonite?
Superman: No, Superman. I don't believe kryptonite physiologically affects you.
Panel 3:
Superman: What?
Psychoanalyst: It has an instantaneous effect on your behavior when you're close to it. The only possibilities are that it exerts an electromagnetic field on you or it emits some chemical that affects your body.
Panel 4:
Psychoanalyst: It can't be the field because if that were the problem you'd get weak near electronics. If it's a chemical, you shouldn't be affected by it the instant it's revealed.
Panel 5:
Superman: What's your-
Psychoanalyst: It's all psychosomatic, Man of Steel!
Panel 6:
Psychoanalyst: Kryptonite comes from your destroyed home planet. It reminds you of the dead family you'll never know.
Panel 7:
Psychoanalyst: It makes you long for a biological family, which makes you feel guilty for not appreciating your adoptive parents, which produces the observed weakness you display.
Panel 8:
Psychoanalyst: Emotional repression is your kryptonite!
Panel 9:
Superman (gritting teeth): No! Suddenly... feeling... emotionally... vulnerable... must... deflect own feelings... with... joke...
Panel 10:
Superman: More like PSYCHO-analyst, am I right?!
Psychoanalyst: Curses!
Panel 11:
(Superman gives the psychoanalyst a noogie / rubs his knuckles hard into the man's head; impact stars.)
Votey:
Caption (Superman's thought): If I just kill all the psychiatrists, then I won't be crazy.
(Superman's face wears a small, strained, slightly unhinged smile.)
Psychoanalyst: Psychoanalyst! So you kidnapped Lois Lane!
Superman: Yes. And I have your one weakness.
Panel 2:
Psychoanalyst: Kryptonite?
Superman: No, Superman. I don't believe kryptonite physiologically affects you.
Panel 3:
Superman: What?
Psychoanalyst: It has an instantaneous effect on your behavior when you're close to it. The only possibilities are that it exerts an electromagnetic field on you or it emits some chemical that affects your body.
Panel 4:
Psychoanalyst: It can't be the field because if that were the problem you'd get weak near electronics. If it's a chemical, you shouldn't be affected by it the instant it's revealed.
Panel 5:
Superman: What's your-
Psychoanalyst: It's all psychosomatic, Man of Steel!
Panel 6:
Psychoanalyst: Kryptonite comes from your destroyed home planet. It reminds you of the dead family you'll never know.
Panel 7:
Psychoanalyst: It makes you long for a biological family, which makes you feel guilty for not appreciating your adoptive parents, which produces the observed weakness you display.
Panel 8:
Psychoanalyst: Emotional repression is your kryptonite!
Panel 9:
Superman (gritting teeth): No! Suddenly... feeling... emotionally... vulnerable... must... deflect own feelings... with... joke...
Panel 10:
Superman: More like PSYCHO-analyst, am I right?!
Psychoanalyst: Curses!
Panel 11:
(Superman gives the psychoanalyst a noogie / rubs his knuckles hard into the man's head; impact stars.)
Votey:
Caption (Superman's thought): If I just kill all the psychiatrists, then I won't be crazy.
(Superman's face wears a small, strained, slightly unhinged smile.)
Alt text
An eleven-panel SMBC comic in which Superman has captured a psychoanalyst. Superman declares he has the man's one weakness. The psychoanalyst guesses 'Kryptonite?' but Superman says no, that he doesn't believe kryptonite physiologically affects him. The psychoanalyst reasons aloud: kryptonite's instant effect can't be an electromagnetic field (Superman would weaken near electronics) and can't be a chemical (it wouldn't act the instant it's revealed). He concludes it's all psychosomatic: kryptonite comes from Superman's destroyed home planet and reminds him of the dead family he'll never know, making him long for a biological family, which makes him feel guilty for not appreciating his adoptive parents, producing his apparent weakness. 'Emotional repression is your kryptonite!' he announces. Superman, gritting his teeth, strains: 'No! Suddenly... feeling... emotionally... vulnerable... must... deflect own feelings... with... joke...' He recovers with 'More like PSYCHO-analyst, am I right?!' The psychoanalyst cries 'Curses!' and in the final panel Superman grabs the man's head and gives him a hard noogie. Votey (small aftercomic): Superman, with a strained, slightly crazed smile, thinks, 'If I just kill all the psychiatrists, then I won't be crazy.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.