emotion
Original: emotion on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Green alien (with orange flame-like crest): ZORGAN! HOW GOES YOUR STUDY OF HUMAN EMOTION?
Plain green alien: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Panel 2:
Plain green alien: YOU GIVE THEM WEALTH AND LOVE, AND THEY'RE HAPPY FOR A FEW DAYS. THEN THEY REVERT TO BASELINE.
Panel 3:
Plain green alien: KILL THEIR FAMILIES AND TWO WEEKS LATER THEY'RE LAUGHING AT A SITCOM!
Panel 4:
Plain green alien: THEY HAVE THE MOST RUTHLESS EMOTIONAL STASIS SYSTEM IN THE UNIVERSE! NOTHING MAKES THEM HAPPY LONG AND NOTHING KEEPS THEM SAD LONG. IF YOU AVERAGE OVER A MONTH, THEY BASICALLY DON'T *HAVE* EMOTIONS!
Panel 5:
(The crested alien looks shocked; the plain green alien looks pensive. No dialogue.)
Panel 6:
Crested alien: SO, IT'S OKAY TO EAT THEM?
Plain green alien (gazing out at Earth in space): IF YOU DO IT SLOWLY ENOUGH, THEY WON'T EVEN MIND!
Votey:
A worried-looking character with a frowning mouth and small fangs says: I'M GONNA GO FEEL SADNESS FOR 10,000 YEARS.
Green alien (with orange flame-like crest): ZORGAN! HOW GOES YOUR STUDY OF HUMAN EMOTION?
Plain green alien: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Panel 2:
Plain green alien: YOU GIVE THEM WEALTH AND LOVE, AND THEY'RE HAPPY FOR A FEW DAYS. THEN THEY REVERT TO BASELINE.
Panel 3:
Plain green alien: KILL THEIR FAMILIES AND TWO WEEKS LATER THEY'RE LAUGHING AT A SITCOM!
Panel 4:
Plain green alien: THEY HAVE THE MOST RUTHLESS EMOTIONAL STASIS SYSTEM IN THE UNIVERSE! NOTHING MAKES THEM HAPPY LONG AND NOTHING KEEPS THEM SAD LONG. IF YOU AVERAGE OVER A MONTH, THEY BASICALLY DON'T *HAVE* EMOTIONS!
Panel 5:
(The crested alien looks shocked; the plain green alien looks pensive. No dialogue.)
Panel 6:
Crested alien: SO, IT'S OKAY TO EAT THEM?
Plain green alien (gazing out at Earth in space): IF YOU DO IT SLOWLY ENOUGH, THEY WON'T EVEN MIND!
Votey:
A worried-looking character with a frowning mouth and small fangs says: I'M GONNA GO FEEL SADNESS FOR 10,000 YEARS.
Alt text
A six-panel comic featuring two green aliens (one with an orange flame-like crest of hair, the other plain) discussing their study of humans. The crested alien asks, 'Zorgan! How goes your study of human emotion?' The plain alien replies, 'It's impossible!' He explains that giving humans wealth and love makes them happy only a few days before they revert to baseline, and that killing their families leaves them laughing at a sitcom two weeks later. He concludes humans have 'the most ruthless emotional stasis system in the universe' — nothing makes them happy or sad for long, so averaged over a month they basically don't have emotions. The crested alien, shocked, asks, 'So, it's okay to eat them?' Gazing at planet Earth in space, the plain alien answers, 'If you do it slowly enough, they won't even mind!' Votey: a worried character with small fangs and a frown declares, 'I'm gonna go feel sadness for 10,000 years.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.