gartok
Original: gartok on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration): When he returned to his village, Gartok's wife and children had been slain.
Panel 2 (narration): Gartok vowed he would seek revenge.
Panel 3 (narration): His blade was fell and swift.
Panel 4 (narration): Thus, he established a credible threat of violence against future interference with his ability to reproduce and childrear.
Panel 5 (no text; Gartok stands over a defeated foe while a woman watches): [wordless]
Panel 6 — a woman talking to a man at a computer:
Woman: How's your evolutionary psychology epic coming?
Man: I'm about to get to the romantic part where he gets calories for a woman with perfect facial symmetry.
Votey:
Caption (a thought caption): Reading about the idea of "credible threat of violence" has sincerely weakened my enjoyment of revenge stories.
Panel 2 (narration): Gartok vowed he would seek revenge.
Panel 3 (narration): His blade was fell and swift.
Panel 4 (narration): Thus, he established a credible threat of violence against future interference with his ability to reproduce and childrear.
Panel 5 (no text; Gartok stands over a defeated foe while a woman watches): [wordless]
Panel 6 — a woman talking to a man at a computer:
Woman: How's your evolutionary psychology epic coming?
Man: I'm about to get to the romantic part where he gets calories for a woman with perfect facial symmetry.
Votey:
Caption (a thought caption): Reading about the idea of "credible threat of violence" has sincerely weakened my enjoyment of revenge stories.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic that frames a barbarian revenge saga in the dry language of evolutionary psychology. Panel 1: a burning hut with black smoke; a bearded warrior (named Gartok in the text) stands beside it. Narration: "When he returned to his village, Gartok's wife and children had been slain." Panel 2: a close-up of Gartok's angry face. Narration: "Gartok vowed he would seek revenge." Panel 3: Gartok swinging his sword in combat. Narration: "His blade was fell and swift." Panel 4: Gartok standing triumphant. Narration: "Thus, he established a credible threat of violence against future interference with his ability to reproduce and childrear." Panel 5: Gartok stands over a fallen enemy while a woman looks on in a grassy field. Panel 6 pulls back to reveal this is a story being written: a red-haired woman asks a man at a computer, "How's your evolutionary psychology epic coming?" He replies, "I'm about to get to the romantic part where he gets calories for a woman with perfect facial symmetry." The joke recasts a heroic revenge tale entirely in cold Darwinian terms. Votey (single panel of handwritten text): "Reading about the idea of 'credible threat of violence' has sincerely weakened my enjoyment of revenge stories."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.