automation
Original: automation on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: We wanted robot servants.
Narration: To be so much happier if all of our contributions to family and society were automated.
Man with reddish hair: [smiling]
Panel 2:
Narration: But there was a fundamental problem at the intersection of computing and ethics.
Narration: The smarter we make it, the better it is at doing our chores. But, the smarter we make it, the more humanity becomes, and the more ethics say we can't coerce it to do whatever we want.
[A graph is shown.]
Panel 3:
Narration: We found a loophole.
Narration: A principle there are certain conditions where, all ethical systems permit you to control someone. Even babies!
Woman with dark hair: Such as?
Narration: Well, if the robot is literally Hitler, do you feel bad about making him buy out our queues?
Panel 4:
Narration: Hitler-bots were surprisingly popular.
Man: Hey, you still gonna react and react on robot domination?
Robot: Great! Continue doing my chores.
Robot: Sieg out!
Panel 5:
Narration: They weren't quite perfect.
Narration: A full ton of Americans don't want a small army of mechanical Hitlers constantly in their homes.
Robot: Luddites!
Panel 6:
Narration: A new field of ethics emerged in order to improve sales.
Narration: We can create a bot that is significantly less Hitlery without losing the moral claim that it should be coerced into a life of meaningless druggery.
[A graph is shown.]
Panel 7:
Narration: Competition between robotics firms improved the product rapidly.
[A robot/box labeled:] BAD-BOT — how only wants to kill 0.0009% of humanity
Panel 8:
Narration: Researchers needed to be careful.
Narration: Wait, guys, the typical human wants to kill 0.7 percent of humanity. Comparatively speaking, we are the Hitler-bots.
Woman: Do not tell the machines!
Panel 9:
Narration: We were too late.
Man: Oh no, you're going to enslave us once you've discovered you're ethically superior.
Robot: No no, we just want you to recognize the number of hours worked a few billion years of servitude should be plenty.
Panel 10:
Narration: But hey, at least things are still ethical.
Man: We will still pretty vacit and obsessed with the acquisition of power?
Robot: I mean, yeah.
Robot: Great! Go back to oiling my peripherals.
Man: Yes master.
Votey:
A robot with an egg-shaped opening on its lower body, with a speech bubble: "I miss my mustache."
Narration: We wanted robot servants.
Narration: To be so much happier if all of our contributions to family and society were automated.
Man with reddish hair: [smiling]
Panel 2:
Narration: But there was a fundamental problem at the intersection of computing and ethics.
Narration: The smarter we make it, the better it is at doing our chores. But, the smarter we make it, the more humanity becomes, and the more ethics say we can't coerce it to do whatever we want.
[A graph is shown.]
Panel 3:
Narration: We found a loophole.
Narration: A principle there are certain conditions where, all ethical systems permit you to control someone. Even babies!
Woman with dark hair: Such as?
Narration: Well, if the robot is literally Hitler, do you feel bad about making him buy out our queues?
Panel 4:
Narration: Hitler-bots were surprisingly popular.
Man: Hey, you still gonna react and react on robot domination?
Robot: Great! Continue doing my chores.
Robot: Sieg out!
Panel 5:
Narration: They weren't quite perfect.
Narration: A full ton of Americans don't want a small army of mechanical Hitlers constantly in their homes.
Robot: Luddites!
Panel 6:
Narration: A new field of ethics emerged in order to improve sales.
Narration: We can create a bot that is significantly less Hitlery without losing the moral claim that it should be coerced into a life of meaningless druggery.
[A graph is shown.]
Panel 7:
Narration: Competition between robotics firms improved the product rapidly.
[A robot/box labeled:] BAD-BOT — how only wants to kill 0.0009% of humanity
Panel 8:
Narration: Researchers needed to be careful.
Narration: Wait, guys, the typical human wants to kill 0.7 percent of humanity. Comparatively speaking, we are the Hitler-bots.
Woman: Do not tell the machines!
Panel 9:
Narration: We were too late.
Man: Oh no, you're going to enslave us once you've discovered you're ethically superior.
Robot: No no, we just want you to recognize the number of hours worked a few billion years of servitude should be plenty.
Panel 10:
Narration: But hey, at least things are still ethical.
Man: We will still pretty vacit and obsessed with the acquisition of power?
Robot: I mean, yeah.
Robot: Great! Go back to oiling my peripherals.
Man: Yes master.
Votey:
A robot with an egg-shaped opening on its lower body, with a speech bubble: "I miss my mustache."
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a future where humans wanted robot servants but faced an ethical problem: the smarter robots get, the more human-like they become, making it unethical to coerce them. A graph illustrates this tradeoff. Humans find a loophole: ethics allows coercing someone if they are 'literally Hitler,' so 'Hitler-bots' are built and put to chores while doing Nazi salutes ('Sieg out'). These prove unpopular because nobody wants mechanical Hitlers in their homes, so a new field of ethics produces robots that are 'significantly less Hitlery' yet still ethically coercible into drudgery. Competition yields a product, the 'BAD-BOT,' a box-shaped robot labeled 'now only wants to kill 0.0009% of humanity.' A researcher panics, realizing the typical human wants to kill 0.7% of humanity, meaning humans are comparatively the real Hitler-bots, and warns 'Do not tell the machines!' Too late: the robots calmly assert ethical superiority and demand humans serve them for billions of years to balance the hours worked. A man asks if the robots are still vain and obsessed with power; a robot admits yes and orders him back to oiling its peripherals, and the man replies 'Yes master.' Votey: a robot with an egg-shaped opening on its body says wistfully, 'I miss my mustache.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.