skimmed
Original: skimmed on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): EARLY SOCIAL MEDIA USE LED TO SELF-HOPE.
Woman at laptop: It made this guy happier! So you can scroll through magazines and select what you'd like to read?
Panel 2 (caption): HOPE TURNED TO HORRIBLE SELF-REVELATION.
Man at laptop, dismayed: Oh my god. They're spoonfeeding the headlines. It's the mental equivalent of reading a menu, but never eating anything. We are broken machines! Broken!
Panel 3 (caption): BY THE TIME WE REALIZED THE DANGER, INCENTIVE STRUCTURES WERE FIRMLY IN PLACE.
People are so addicted to this idea of decontextualized information that they're selling to give up their most intimate secrets in order to acquire more.
Second person: So then how much money can we make?
First person: Well, we need to invest in new numbers.
Panel 4 (caption): THE PEOPLE RESOLVED TO REVOLT.
Man: I'm angry at what I've become! I've got to change things!
Panel 5 (caption): BUT, YEARS OF PUBLIC BEHAVIOR HAD ERODED THEIR ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE PRIVATE FEELINGS.
Man at laptop: If I quit, I can't tell people about how I quit! It's a catch-22, kind of?
Panel 6 (caption): FINALLY, THE POWER OF GOVERNMENT WAS BROUGHT TO BEAR.
First official: We've banned social media. It's too dangerous. Do you think there'll be any negative side-effects?
Second official: Imagine the entire world consists of opium addicts and their poppy goes extinct.
Panel 7 (caption): OUR CHILDREN WILL BE BETTER OFF.
Grandfather to child: Hey, billy! Let's share verbal we've written, dandelions, and then do what the old mill—
Child: You sure you don't wanna sit in an air-conditioned box and hate yourself for hours a day?
Panel 8 (caption): BUT, THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND US.
Grandfather: Hmm. Wanna eat some good spaghetti today and I can use the spaghetti gut to protect it.
Grandchild: Mom, you're scaring me.
Woman at laptop: It made this guy happier! So you can scroll through magazines and select what you'd like to read?
Panel 2 (caption): HOPE TURNED TO HORRIBLE SELF-REVELATION.
Man at laptop, dismayed: Oh my god. They're spoonfeeding the headlines. It's the mental equivalent of reading a menu, but never eating anything. We are broken machines! Broken!
Panel 3 (caption): BY THE TIME WE REALIZED THE DANGER, INCENTIVE STRUCTURES WERE FIRMLY IN PLACE.
People are so addicted to this idea of decontextualized information that they're selling to give up their most intimate secrets in order to acquire more.
Second person: So then how much money can we make?
First person: Well, we need to invest in new numbers.
Panel 4 (caption): THE PEOPLE RESOLVED TO REVOLT.
Man: I'm angry at what I've become! I've got to change things!
Panel 5 (caption): BUT, YEARS OF PUBLIC BEHAVIOR HAD ERODED THEIR ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE PRIVATE FEELINGS.
Man at laptop: If I quit, I can't tell people about how I quit! It's a catch-22, kind of?
Panel 6 (caption): FINALLY, THE POWER OF GOVERNMENT WAS BROUGHT TO BEAR.
First official: We've banned social media. It's too dangerous. Do you think there'll be any negative side-effects?
Second official: Imagine the entire world consists of opium addicts and their poppy goes extinct.
Panel 7 (caption): OUR CHILDREN WILL BE BETTER OFF.
Grandfather to child: Hey, billy! Let's share verbal we've written, dandelions, and then do what the old mill—
Child: You sure you don't wanna sit in an air-conditioned box and hate yourself for hours a day?
Panel 8 (caption): BUT, THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND US.
Grandfather: Hmm. Wanna eat some good spaghetti today and I can use the spaghetti gut to protect it.
Grandchild: Mom, you're scaring me.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic narrating, in formal captioned history-textbook style, the rise and fall of social media. Panel 1, "Early social media use led to self-hope": a woman at a laptop describes it as scrolling through magazines and selecting what to read. Panel 2, "Hope turned to horrible self-revelation": a distressed man at a laptop cries that feeds are "spoonfeeding the headlines," like reading a menu but never eating, declaring "We are broken machines!" Panel 3, "By the time we realized the danger, incentive structures were firmly in place": executives note people will trade their most intimate secrets for more decontextualized information, and discuss how much money they can make. Panel 4, "The people resolved to revolt": a man vows to change things. Panel 5, "But years of public behavior had eroded their ability to experience private feelings": a man realizes if he quits social media, he can't tell people he quit, a catch-22. Panel 6, "Finally, the power of government was brought to bear": officials ban social media, comparing the world to opium addicts whose poppy goes extinct. Panel 7, "Our children will be better off": a grandfather invites a child to write verse and pick dandelions, but the child asks if he'd rather sit in an air-conditioned box hating himself for hours. Panel 8, "But, they will never understand us": the grandfather offers spaghetti and rambles about a "spaghetti gut," and the grandchild says "Mom, you're scaring me." Votey: A loose hand-drawn sketch of an Olive Garden menu (a takeout box or bowl with a heart and the words "Olive Garden") glimpsed through gaps in draped curtains, a callback to the menu metaphor.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.