bar-joke
Original: bar-joke on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): A biological machine intelligence, machine intelligence, and god intelligence walk into a bar.
Panel 2 (the biological intelligence, a man): The biological intelligence tells the other two that it has "free will."
Panel 3 (caption): In secret, the biological intelligence writes down what controls it and is about to order.
Panel 4 (caption): The machine intelligence simulates the biological intelligence in its own mind and writes down what it thinks the biological intelligence will do.
Panel 5 (caption): The god intelligence does the same.
Panel 6 (caption): They hand their napkins to the bartender.
Panel 7 (caption): The bartender reads the biological intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 8 (caption): The bartender reads the machine intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 9 (caption): Finally, the bartender reads the god intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 10 (the bartender): "Half...? I don't understand this notation." (Caption / the others:) That's complex vector space.
Panel 11 (caption, over a glowing orb): Although the machine intelligence is right most of the time, the outcome is probabilistic. In some universes, the machine has wrong and you get the mistaken impression that a short-lived ape can violate causality on a bar napkin.
Panel 12 (the biological intelligence): "Free will is a null concept and determinism is a fantasy."
Panel 13 (caption): You will neither know the joy of choice nor the contentedness of participation in a grand scheme.
Panel 14 (caption): The man orders a whiskey.
Panel 15 (caption): The machine failed to predict this, but only out of apathy.
Votey: A speech bubble points at a roughly-drawn sketch of the glowing orb (the "complex vector space" symbol). The bubble reads: "Wait till they realize I don't exist." Below the votey caption text reads: "But a dream within a dream."
Panel 2 (the biological intelligence, a man): The biological intelligence tells the other two that it has "free will."
Panel 3 (caption): In secret, the biological intelligence writes down what controls it and is about to order.
Panel 4 (caption): The machine intelligence simulates the biological intelligence in its own mind and writes down what it thinks the biological intelligence will do.
Panel 5 (caption): The god intelligence does the same.
Panel 6 (caption): They hand their napkins to the bartender.
Panel 7 (caption): The bartender reads the biological intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 8 (caption): The bartender reads the machine intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 9 (caption): Finally, the bartender reads the god intelligence's napkin. (Napkin text:) HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE
Panel 10 (the bartender): "Half...? I don't understand this notation." (Caption / the others:) That's complex vector space.
Panel 11 (caption, over a glowing orb): Although the machine intelligence is right most of the time, the outcome is probabilistic. In some universes, the machine has wrong and you get the mistaken impression that a short-lived ape can violate causality on a bar napkin.
Panel 12 (the biological intelligence): "Free will is a null concept and determinism is a fantasy."
Panel 13 (caption): You will neither know the joy of choice nor the contentedness of participation in a grand scheme.
Panel 14 (caption): The man orders a whiskey.
Panel 15 (caption): The machine failed to predict this, but only out of apathy.
Votey: A speech bubble points at a roughly-drawn sketch of the glowing orb (the "complex vector space" symbol). The bubble reads: "Wait till they realize I don't exist." Below the votey caption text reads: "But a dream within a dream."
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic. Opening caption: a biological machine intelligence, a machine intelligence, and a god intelligence walk into a bar. The biological intelligence (a man) tells the others he has "free will." Secretly he writes down what controls him and what he'll order. The machine intelligence simulates him and writes its prediction; the god intelligence does the same. All three hand napkins to the bartender. The bartender reads each napkin and all three say the same thing: "HALF AMARETTO, HALF MILK, IN A TUMBLER OVER ICE." The bartender is confused by the word "Half"; it's described as "complex vector space." A glowing orb (the vector-space symbol) is shown with a caption explaining the machine is usually right but the outcome is probabilistic, so in some universes it's wrong and you get the mistaken impression a short-lived ape can violate causality on a bar napkin. The man declares "Free will is a null concept and determinism is a fantasy," and is told he'll know neither the joy of choice nor the contentment of participating in a grand scheme. He then orders a whiskey, which the machine failed to predict, but only out of apathy. Votey: a hand-drawn sketch of the glowing orb with a speech bubble reading "Wait till they realize I don't exist," captioned "But a dream within a dream."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.