gordak
Original: gordak on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Gordak (a large muscular barbarian with red hair and beard): GORDAK CONQUER KINGDOM!
Panel 2:
Gordak (holding up a severed head by the hair): GORDAK TAKE BLOODY CROWN FROM HEAD OF OLD KING!
Panel 3:
Gordak (now seated on a throne wearing the crown): GORDAK KING NOW!
Panel 4:
Caption: SOON...
A blonde court official/advisor holding papers: LORD GORDAK, WE NEED YOU TO CONSIDER A LEVY TO FUND FARM SUBSIDIES, AND THE STATUS OF LIVERY FOR THE ARMY.
Gordak: BUT...
Panel 5:
Gordak: BUT... BUT...
Panel 6:
Gordak (standing, enraged): GORDAK SMASH PAPERWORK!
Panel 7:
The blonde official: TECHNICALLY, THIS PAPERWORK IS THE PROPERTY OF THE ROYAL HOLDING CORPORATION, SO NO YOU MAY NOT.
Gordak (deflated, on his throne): GORDAK SORRY.
Votey:
Gordak (now an old king, with a long beard and a weary expression): A speech bubble reads: Gordak only kill in imagination now.
Gordak (a large muscular barbarian with red hair and beard): GORDAK CONQUER KINGDOM!
Panel 2:
Gordak (holding up a severed head by the hair): GORDAK TAKE BLOODY CROWN FROM HEAD OF OLD KING!
Panel 3:
Gordak (now seated on a throne wearing the crown): GORDAK KING NOW!
Panel 4:
Caption: SOON...
A blonde court official/advisor holding papers: LORD GORDAK, WE NEED YOU TO CONSIDER A LEVY TO FUND FARM SUBSIDIES, AND THE STATUS OF LIVERY FOR THE ARMY.
Gordak: BUT...
Panel 5:
Gordak: BUT... BUT...
Panel 6:
Gordak (standing, enraged): GORDAK SMASH PAPERWORK!
Panel 7:
The blonde official: TECHNICALLY, THIS PAPERWORK IS THE PROPERTY OF THE ROYAL HOLDING CORPORATION, SO NO YOU MAY NOT.
Gordak (deflated, on his throne): GORDAK SORRY.
Votey:
Gordak (now an old king, with a long beard and a weary expression): A speech bubble reads: Gordak only kill in imagination now.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic about Gordak, a hulking red-bearded barbarian who speaks in simple third-person caveman-style sentences. Panel 1: shirtless Gordak with a sword declares 'GORDAK CONQUER KINGDOM!' Panel 2: he triumphantly holds up the severed head of the old king by its hair, shouting 'GORDAK TAKE BLOODY CROWN FROM HEAD OF OLD KING!' Panel 3: Gordak now sits on the throne wearing the crown: 'GORDAK KING NOW!' Panel 4 (captioned 'SOON...'): a blonde court official with papers tells him, 'LORD GORDAK, WE NEED YOU TO CONSIDER A LEVY TO FUND FARM SUBSIDIES, AND THE STATUS OF LIVERY FOR THE ARMY,' as Gordak stammers 'BUT...' Panel 5: Gordak keeps stammering 'BUT... BUT...' Panel 6: he stands up enraged and yells 'GORDAK SMASH PAPERWORK!' Panel 7: the official calmly replies, 'TECHNICALLY, THIS PAPERWORK IS THE PROPERTY OF THE ROYAL HOLDING CORPORATION, SO NO YOU MAY NOT,' and a deflated Gordak slumps back, muttering 'GORDAK SORRY.' The joke: conquering by violence gets undone by bureaucracy and corporate property law. Votey: a now-elderly, weary Gordak with a long beard sits silently; a thought-style bubble reads 'Gordak only kill in imagination now.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.