astrobiology
Original: astrobiology on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A bespectacled scientist stands at a podium addressing an audience.
Scientist: "Ladies and gentlemen, I can finally make the announcement astrobiologists have long hoped for: we have recovered a life-containing object from space."
Panel 2: The scientist continues. A small object on a balloon-and-rocket apparatus is shown to the side.
Scientist: "This was accomplished by recognizing (a) that space is technically only 100 kilometers high, (b) that meteorites are technically just rocks from space, (c) that it's possible to bring rocks from Earth to technical space via a weather balloon and small rocket, and (d) that none of you would read beyond the abstract."
Panel 3: The scientist speaks into a phone/microphone.
Scientist: "The good news is that several large universities and corporations didn't read the methods section either and have already sponsored this event."
Panel 4: The scientist holds up a sheet of paper.
Scientist: "Thus, our second paper: the most efficient method of extracting free pizza and cookies from Harvard University."
Panel 5: The scientist faces a crowd that is applauding wildly. The air is filled with the word "clap" repeated many times.
Scientist: "Thank you, thank you."
Votey:
A young man with a worried/uneasy expression. A speech bubble points to him from off-panel above.
Off-panel voice: "It's embezzlement!"
Scientist: "Ladies and gentlemen, I can finally make the announcement astrobiologists have long hoped for: we have recovered a life-containing object from space."
Panel 2: The scientist continues. A small object on a balloon-and-rocket apparatus is shown to the side.
Scientist: "This was accomplished by recognizing (a) that space is technically only 100 kilometers high, (b) that meteorites are technically just rocks from space, (c) that it's possible to bring rocks from Earth to technical space via a weather balloon and small rocket, and (d) that none of you would read beyond the abstract."
Panel 3: The scientist speaks into a phone/microphone.
Scientist: "The good news is that several large universities and corporations didn't read the methods section either and have already sponsored this event."
Panel 4: The scientist holds up a sheet of paper.
Scientist: "Thus, our second paper: the most efficient method of extracting free pizza and cookies from Harvard University."
Panel 5: The scientist faces a crowd that is applauding wildly. The air is filled with the word "clap" repeated many times.
Scientist: "Thank you, thank you."
Votey:
A young man with a worried/uneasy expression. A speech bubble points to him from off-panel above.
Off-panel voice: "It's embezzlement!"
Alt text
A five-panel comic. A bespectacled scientist stands at a podium and announces he has finally recovered a 'life-containing object from space.' He explains the trick: space is technically only 100 km up, meteorites are technically just rocks from space, so you can carry an Earth rock to 'technical space' on a weather balloon and small rocket, and nobody reads past a paper's abstract anyway. He adds that large universities and corporations didn't read the methods section either and have already sponsored the event. He holds up a second paper titled, in effect, the most efficient method of extracting free pizza and cookies from Harvard University. In the final panel a crowd applauds wildly, the air filled with repeated 'clap' sound effects, as he says 'Thank you, thank you.' Votey (aftercomic): a single panel of a worried-looking young man with an off-panel voice exclaiming 'It's embezzlement!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.