press
Original: press on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Reporter (a dark-haired man at a press briefing): Is it acceptable that the President ate a baby's candy and then threw the wrapper in the baby's face?
Panel 2:
Press secretary (a blonde woman at a podium): Let me be perfectly clear that the President was the OWNER of the candy and thus did nothing illegal.
Panel 3:
Reporter: But would you say that calling the baby a crap-sucking pig-humper was in any way inappropriate for an elected official?
Panel 4:
Press secretary: Again Tom, he OWNED the candy and merely ALLOWED the baby to think she could eat it. Even public figures, Tom, are allowed to make decisions about THEIR property.
Panel 5:
Reporter (named Tom): Do you think we should acknowledge the difference between "should" and "can"?
Panel 6:
Press secretary: My face is capable of emitting all sorts of acknowledgments.
Votey:
The press secretary's face (drawn in loose sketch style) with a speech bubble: The president has never broken any of Newton's laws.
Reporter (a dark-haired man at a press briefing): Is it acceptable that the President ate a baby's candy and then threw the wrapper in the baby's face?
Panel 2:
Press secretary (a blonde woman at a podium): Let me be perfectly clear that the President was the OWNER of the candy and thus did nothing illegal.
Panel 3:
Reporter: But would you say that calling the baby a crap-sucking pig-humper was in any way inappropriate for an elected official?
Panel 4:
Press secretary: Again Tom, he OWNED the candy and merely ALLOWED the baby to think she could eat it. Even public figures, Tom, are allowed to make decisions about THEIR property.
Panel 5:
Reporter (named Tom): Do you think we should acknowledge the difference between "should" and "can"?
Panel 6:
Press secretary: My face is capable of emitting all sorts of acknowledgments.
Votey:
The press secretary's face (drawn in loose sketch style) with a speech bubble: The president has never broken any of Newton's laws.
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic depicting a White House-style press briefing. A dark-haired male reporter questions a blonde female press secretary at a podium. Reporter: "Is it acceptable that the President ate a baby's candy and then threw the wrapper in the baby's face?" Press secretary: "Let me be perfectly clear that the President was the OWNER of the candy and thus did nothing illegal." Reporter: "But would you say that calling the baby a crap-sucking pig-humper was in any way inappropriate for an elected official?" Press secretary: "Again Tom, he OWNED the candy and merely ALLOWED the baby to think she could eat it. Even public figures, Tom, are allowed to make decisions about THEIR property." Reporter (Tom): "Do you think we should acknowledge the difference between 'should' and 'can'?" Press secretary, deadpan: "My face is capable of emitting all sorts of acknowledgments." The joke satirizes evasive, non-answer political spin that deflects every question by changing the subject to legality and ownership. Votey: a loose sketch of the press secretary's face with a speech bubble reading "The president has never broken any of Newton's laws" — a final absurd, technically-true deflection.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.