precious
Original: precious on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A man kneels, presenting a ring (shown in silhouette).
Man (Hank): "Anne, will you marry me?"
Panel 2: A blonde woman.
Woman (Anne): "Oh my God, is that REAL gold?"
Panel 3: The man.
Man: "Uh, yeah."
Woman: "Precious metals will be the only source of value when civilization collapses later this year!"
Panel 4: The man looks blank as the woman holds the ring up to inspect it.
Woman: "Uh..."
Panel 5: The woman, excited.
Woman: "Oh Hank! We can trade it for ammo and cigarettes together!"
Panel 6: The woman continues.
Woman: "And then we can shoot our way to the Rockies for our honeymoon."
Panel 7: The man and woman embrace.
Woman: "Perpetual high ground, Hank! Just like I dreamed when I was a little girl!"
Panel 8: Close-up of the woman, eyes wild.
Woman: "Then we can breed and breed and breed until a few of our babies can survive the radiation, then we can mate them to create a SUPER RACE!"
Panel 9: The man, looking nervous, faces the woman.
Man (Hank): "M-maybe we should try living together a bit before marriage."
Woman: "Hank, I am NOT that kind of girl!"
Votey:
The man (Hank) looks dismayed; the woman declares from a speech bubble: "How presumptuous!"
Man (Hank): "Anne, will you marry me?"
Panel 2: A blonde woman.
Woman (Anne): "Oh my God, is that REAL gold?"
Panel 3: The man.
Man: "Uh, yeah."
Woman: "Precious metals will be the only source of value when civilization collapses later this year!"
Panel 4: The man looks blank as the woman holds the ring up to inspect it.
Woman: "Uh..."
Panel 5: The woman, excited.
Woman: "Oh Hank! We can trade it for ammo and cigarettes together!"
Panel 6: The woman continues.
Woman: "And then we can shoot our way to the Rockies for our honeymoon."
Panel 7: The man and woman embrace.
Woman: "Perpetual high ground, Hank! Just like I dreamed when I was a little girl!"
Panel 8: Close-up of the woman, eyes wild.
Woman: "Then we can breed and breed and breed until a few of our babies can survive the radiation, then we can mate them to create a SUPER RACE!"
Panel 9: The man, looking nervous, faces the woman.
Man (Hank): "M-maybe we should try living together a bit before marriage."
Woman: "Hank, I am NOT that kind of girl!"
Votey:
The man (Hank) looks dismayed; the woman declares from a speech bubble: "How presumptuous!"
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A man named Hank kneels and proposes: "Anne, will you marry me?" The blonde woman fixates not on the romance but on the ring's material value: "Oh my God, is that REAL gold?" Hank confirms, and she launches into an apocalyptic fantasy: "Precious metals will be the only source of value when civilization collapses later this year!" She excitedly imagines their future together trading the ring "for ammo and cigarettes," shooting their way to the Rockies for a honeymoon, holding "perpetual high ground" as she dreamed as a little girl, and breeding babies who survive the radiation to "create a SUPER RACE!" Hank, growing visibly nervous, suggests, "M-maybe we should try living together a bit before marriage." She recoils, offended, snapping: "Hank, I am NOT that kind of girl!" The joke inverts a prudish objection: she's fully on board with founding a post-apocalyptic master race but draws the line at premarital cohabitation. Votey (aftercomic): a close-up of the dismayed woman saying, "How presumptuous!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.