the-chosen-ones
Original: the-chosen-ones on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Floating sphere/orb (a messenger entity): I am but a messenger and will shortly self-destruct.
Panel 2:
Orb: I come to speak truth. All sufficiently advanced species throughout the universe self-destructed once they realized the pointlessness of existence in a universe bound for a cold entropic demise.
(A red-haired man listens.)
Panel 3:
Orb: Humans are unique. You possess the intelligence to discover the nature of reality, but you are so utterly self-involved that it has no serious effect on your mental well-being.
Panel 4:
Orb: For instance, you, Frank, you know that you are a short-lived pattern that will live its brief life under the shadow of death before meeting an absurd and pointless end.
Panel 5:
Orb: But you care more about a recent outcome of a sporting event.
Frank (off to the side): Football is rigged, man!
Panel 6:
Orb: Like a horde of zombies, humans will fan out worthlessly around the cosmos, never meeting opposition.
Panel 7:
Orb: All this universe... is yours.
(The orb is shown alone against a black starfield-like void.)
Panel 8:
Orb: Because it's crap, and you're crap!
Frank: Look, the ref can't even see the ball!
(Frank holds up his phone showing a soccer/football game.)
Votey:
(A single black panel. A small white sphere/orb floats at the bottom left with a speech bubble.)
Orb: Reality is crap.
Floating sphere/orb (a messenger entity): I am but a messenger and will shortly self-destruct.
Panel 2:
Orb: I come to speak truth. All sufficiently advanced species throughout the universe self-destructed once they realized the pointlessness of existence in a universe bound for a cold entropic demise.
(A red-haired man listens.)
Panel 3:
Orb: Humans are unique. You possess the intelligence to discover the nature of reality, but you are so utterly self-involved that it has no serious effect on your mental well-being.
Panel 4:
Orb: For instance, you, Frank, you know that you are a short-lived pattern that will live its brief life under the shadow of death before meeting an absurd and pointless end.
Panel 5:
Orb: But you care more about a recent outcome of a sporting event.
Frank (off to the side): Football is rigged, man!
Panel 6:
Orb: Like a horde of zombies, humans will fan out worthlessly around the cosmos, never meeting opposition.
Panel 7:
Orb: All this universe... is yours.
(The orb is shown alone against a black starfield-like void.)
Panel 8:
Orb: Because it's crap, and you're crap!
Frank: Look, the ref can't even see the ball!
(Frank holds up his phone showing a soccer/football game.)
Votey:
(A single black panel. A small white sphere/orb floats at the bottom left with a speech bubble.)
Orb: Reality is crap.
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A small floating metallic sphere — an alien messenger orb hovering above a little shadow — lectures a calm red-haired man named Frank. The orb declares it is a messenger that will soon self-destruct, then explains that all sufficiently advanced species in the universe self-destructed upon realizing existence is pointless in a universe heading toward cold entropic death. It says humans are unique because they're intelligent enough to grasp reality but too self-involved for it to affect their mental well-being. It tells Frank he knows he's a short-lived pattern doomed to an absurd, pointless end, yet he cares more about a recent sporting event. Frank, distracted, blurts 'Football is rigged, man!' The orb continues that humans will fan out worthlessly across the cosmos like zombies, meeting no opposition, and grandly proclaims 'All this universe... is yours.' In a panel the orb floats alone in a black void. Finally it snaps 'Because it's crap, and you're crap!' — but Frank, completely ignoring the cosmic verdict, holds up his phone showing a football game and complains 'Look, the ref can't even see the ball!' The joke: the orb's nihilistic message lands as a perfect description of Frank, who is too absorbed in sports to notice. Votey (bonus panel): a single black square; a small white orb floats at the bottom with a speech bubble reading 'Reality is crap.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.