evil-ethics
Original: evil-ethics on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Dark-haired person (wearing glasses, green sweater, red scarf): I subscribe to a philosophy called "evil utilitarianism."
(An orange-haired person in a yellow cardigan listens.)
Panel 2:
Dark-haired person: I believe we should locate the most viscerally repugnant conclusions of happiness maximization, then do them IMMEDIATELY.
Panel 3:
Dark-haired person: For instance, if we discover that killing all of the people in a particular village will result in more aggregate happiness over the next thousand years, not only should we do it. We should do it NOW then celebrate with ice cream cake.
(Distant figures stand on a snowy slope.)
Panel 4:
Dark-haired person: Will you join me? We could overthrow a justly-elected government and execute its leaders in the expectation of a more just future society.
Dark-haired person (smaller speech bubble): Then have ice cream cake.
Panel 5:
Orange-haired person: No can do. I'm an evil deontologist.
Panel 6:
Orange-haired person: For instance, I like finding situations where I could save a life by telling a consequence-free lie, then refusing to do it on principle.
Panel 7:
Orange-haired person: Evil is really an underappreciated field of study.
Panel 8 (silhouette/black panel): A small figure: Ah.
Panel 9:
Orange-haired person: You may be interested in something called "political economy."
(The two figures stand facing each other.)
Votey:
(No spoken dialogue. Text written on a cake: "It's for the best.")
Dark-haired person (wearing glasses, green sweater, red scarf): I subscribe to a philosophy called "evil utilitarianism."
(An orange-haired person in a yellow cardigan listens.)
Panel 2:
Dark-haired person: I believe we should locate the most viscerally repugnant conclusions of happiness maximization, then do them IMMEDIATELY.
Panel 3:
Dark-haired person: For instance, if we discover that killing all of the people in a particular village will result in more aggregate happiness over the next thousand years, not only should we do it. We should do it NOW then celebrate with ice cream cake.
(Distant figures stand on a snowy slope.)
Panel 4:
Dark-haired person: Will you join me? We could overthrow a justly-elected government and execute its leaders in the expectation of a more just future society.
Dark-haired person (smaller speech bubble): Then have ice cream cake.
Panel 5:
Orange-haired person: No can do. I'm an evil deontologist.
Panel 6:
Orange-haired person: For instance, I like finding situations where I could save a life by telling a consequence-free lie, then refusing to do it on principle.
Panel 7:
Orange-haired person: Evil is really an underappreciated field of study.
Panel 8 (silhouette/black panel): A small figure: Ah.
Panel 9:
Orange-haired person: You may be interested in something called "political economy."
(The two figures stand facing each other.)
Votey:
(No spoken dialogue. Text written on a cake: "It's for the best.")
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A dark-haired person in glasses, a green sweater and red scarf explains their philosophy to an orange-haired friend in a yellow cardigan. They say they subscribe to a philosophy called "evil utilitarianism": locating the most viscerally repugnant conclusions of happiness maximization and doing them immediately. As an example, if killing everyone in a village would maximize aggregate happiness over the next thousand years, they'd do it now and celebrate with ice cream cake. They invite their friend to join in overthrowing a justly-elected government and executing its leaders for a more just future, then having ice cream cake. The orange-haired friend declines, saying "No can do. I'm an evil deontologist" - their version of evil is finding situations where a consequence-free lie could save a life, then refusing to tell it on principle. They add that "evil is really an underappreciated field of study." After a beat (a black silhouette panel where a tiny figure says "Ah"), the orange-haired person tells their friend they may be interested in something called "political economy." Votey aftercomic: a tall iced layer cake on a plate, glowing with radiating lines, with the words "IT'S FOR THE BEST" written across the top in icing.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.