the-greatest-possible-superhero

A four-panel comic. Panel 1: an elderly woman in a red dress cries "Help! Help!" as a masked robber in a hood grabs at her purse. A flying superhero with teal-green skin, a white costume bearing a triangular emblem, and flame-like hair swoops in, firing a bright energy beam from his head into the robber, shouting "Stand back! This is a job for the Utilitarian!" with a "ZAP!" sound effect. Panel 2: the hero hovers over the now-limp robber and calmly explains, "I've destroyed his frontal lobe and cauterized the wound. His consciousness is dead, but the remainder of his brain will keep his organs alive while I harvest them." Panel 3: he continues, "Not only have I saved your purse, I've saved at least six lives. Total net lives: FIVE," then adds, "Plus 0.5 because he's a criminal." Panel 4: the puzzled woman says, "I'm not sure I follow the calculation," and the smiling hero replies, "Oh, sorry. I'm using a technique called 'addition.'" The joke skewers utilitarian moral math taken to a grotesque extreme. Votey (bonus panel): the same hero, now drawn in simple black-and-white line art, says, "The money in this purse will be given to needier people," extending the utilitarian logic to robbing the victim he just saved.