the-sex-talk
Original: the-sex-talk on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Mother: Sweetie, it's time we had the sex talk.
Mother: Sex can be a beautiful thing.
Mother: ...but it's usually not.
Panel 2:
Mother: For example, this is what I look like when I orgasm.
Mother (face contorted, mouth wide open): HRGGNH
Panel 3:
Mother: Statistically, 75% of sex is not only unattractive but disgusting. But it's also fun. So this is how you find peace with that.
Panel 4:
Mother: After you do, you'll enjoy sex more, every year, despite it getting more weird and floppy-looking as you age.
Panel 5:
Mother: Sex is the major cause of physical activity!
Panel 6:
Mother: Shouldn't you be talking about birth control or safety or something?
Mother: Pfft, everybody knows that stuff.
Votey:
Mother: Now, if you'll excuse me, your father and I are wrestling in hedgehog grease tonight.
(The child stares blankly, wide-eyed.)
Mother: Sweetie, it's time we had the sex talk.
Mother: Sex can be a beautiful thing.
Mother: ...but it's usually not.
Panel 2:
Mother: For example, this is what I look like when I orgasm.
Mother (face contorted, mouth wide open): HRGGNH
Panel 3:
Mother: Statistically, 75% of sex is not only unattractive but disgusting. But it's also fun. So this is how you find peace with that.
Panel 4:
Mother: After you do, you'll enjoy sex more, every year, despite it getting more weird and floppy-looking as you age.
Panel 5:
Mother: Sex is the major cause of physical activity!
Panel 6:
Mother: Shouldn't you be talking about birth control or safety or something?
Mother: Pfft, everybody knows that stuff.
Votey:
Mother: Now, if you'll excuse me, your father and I are wrestling in hedgehog grease tonight.
(The child stares blankly, wide-eyed.)
Alt text
A six-panel comic of a mother giving her daughter "the sex talk." Panel 1: The smiling mother says sex can be a beautiful thing, but it's usually not. Panel 2: She demonstrates her own orgasm face, eyes bulging and mouth gaping, making the sound "HRGGNH." Panel 3: She explains that statistically 75% of sex is unattractive and disgusting but also fun, so this is how you make peace with it. Panel 4: She says once you do, you'll enjoy sex more every year despite it getting weirder and floppier-looking as you age. Panel 5: She declares sex is the major cause of physical activity. Panel 6: The daughter asks whether she should be talking about birth control or safety; the mother dismisses it with "Pfft, everybody knows that stuff." Votey: The mother adds, "Now, if you'll excuse me, your father and I are wrestling in hedgehog grease tonight," while the daughter stares back with a blank, wide-eyed, horrified expression.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.