wishes
Original: wishes on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Goat-skull demon (summoned by candle ritual): "Light the black candle, and place it upon my brow, and you may have your wish!"
Panel 2:
Goat-skull demon: "Jeez! Why does everyone think that? I'm just here to grant wishes."
Panel 3:
Goat-skull demon: "There's just no freakin' way I'd do that. It's gonna be one of those deals where I grant your wish for money and my parents die, or I wish for a dead friend to live again, but he turns out to be a zombie."
Panel 4:
Goat-skull demon: "Look, wish for pancakes. You want pancakes?"
Man: "Sure."
Panel 5:
Goat-skull demon: "BAM! Pancakes!" (a stack of pancakes appears)
Panel 6:
Goat-skull demon: "I'm not gonna eat those. They're probably made of locusts or snake skin or something."
Panel 7:
Man: "They're made of flour."
Goat-skull demon: "Bug flour?"
Panel 8:
Man: "It's from wheat, okay?"
Goat-skull demon: "Forget it. How come nobody wants my wishes?"
Panel 9:
Goat-skull demon: "Hey! Come back! This is a form of bigotry! This is a form of bigotry!"
Man (walking away): "*sigh*"
Panel 10:
Man: "Have you considered maybe changing your voice so it doesn't sound like a shrieking infant?" (a genie lamp sits on the floor)
Goat-skull demon: "Why should I have to change?"
Votey:
Goat-skull demon (with a red pentagram on its cheek, mouth open): "I have so much love to give..."
Goat-skull demon (summoned by candle ritual): "Light the black candle, and place it upon my brow, and you may have your wish!"
Panel 2:
Goat-skull demon: "Jeez! Why does everyone think that? I'm just here to grant wishes."
Panel 3:
Goat-skull demon: "There's just no freakin' way I'd do that. It's gonna be one of those deals where I grant your wish for money and my parents die, or I wish for a dead friend to live again, but he turns out to be a zombie."
Panel 4:
Goat-skull demon: "Look, wish for pancakes. You want pancakes?"
Man: "Sure."
Panel 5:
Goat-skull demon: "BAM! Pancakes!" (a stack of pancakes appears)
Panel 6:
Goat-skull demon: "I'm not gonna eat those. They're probably made of locusts or snake skin or something."
Panel 7:
Man: "They're made of flour."
Goat-skull demon: "Bug flour?"
Panel 8:
Man: "It's from wheat, okay?"
Goat-skull demon: "Forget it. How come nobody wants my wishes?"
Panel 9:
Goat-skull demon: "Hey! Come back! This is a form of bigotry! This is a form of bigotry!"
Man (walking away): "*sigh*"
Panel 10:
Man: "Have you considered maybe changing your voice so it doesn't sound like a shrieking infant?" (a genie lamp sits on the floor)
Goat-skull demon: "Why should I have to change?"
Votey:
Goat-skull demon (with a red pentagram on its cheek, mouth open): "I have so much love to give..."
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A floating goat-skull demon (white horned skull with empty eye sockets) is summoned and immediately gets defensive with a skeptical man. It insists: "Light the black candle... and you may have your wish!" then frets that everyone assumes wishes come with a cruel twist (granting money but killing your parents, reviving a dead friend as a zombie). To prove it's harmless, it conjures pancakes ("BAM! Pancakes!"), but then refuses to believe they're safe, suspecting they're made of locusts or snake skin rather than wheat flour. When the man walks away, the demon cries that nobody wanting its wishes is "a form of bigotry." The man dryly suggests it change its voice so it doesn't "sound like a shrieking infant"; the demon retorts, "Why should I have to change?" Votey: a close-up of the goat skull, now with a red pentagram drawn on its cheek and its mouth open wide, plaintively saying "I have so much love to give..." The joke: a wish-granting demon framing others' wariness of its sinister vibe as unfair prejudice.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.