the-secret-ingredient
Original: the-secret-ingredient on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child: What makes my cookies sweet, if not sugar, like I love.
Grandma: Grammy not "goofy." Grammy is a scientific realist.
Panel 2:
Child: What's so "talking about grammy?" That's goofy!
Panel 3:
Grandma: My love for you makes me desire to increase your survival and well-being.
Grandma (continuing): Thus, love is motivationally prior to sugar.
Panel 4:
Grandma: I was trying to introduce you to the notion of proper sweets, but you've called sugar misleadingly.
Grandma: My love for you you may have these cookies.
Child: What's the difference?
Panel 5:
Grandma: They are sweetened with fruit juice, which I'll insist is just as good!
Child: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Votey:
Grandma (in a speech bubble, over a close-up of the child's horrified face): "Fruit-sweetened" is how Grandmas say "Go fuck yourself."
Child: What makes my cookies sweet, if not sugar, like I love.
Grandma: Grammy not "goofy." Grammy is a scientific realist.
Panel 2:
Child: What's so "talking about grammy?" That's goofy!
Panel 3:
Grandma: My love for you makes me desire to increase your survival and well-being.
Grandma (continuing): Thus, love is motivationally prior to sugar.
Panel 4:
Grandma: I was trying to introduce you to the notion of proper sweets, but you've called sugar misleadingly.
Grandma: My love for you you may have these cookies.
Child: What's the difference?
Panel 5:
Grandma: They are sweetened with fruit juice, which I'll insist is just as good!
Child: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Votey:
Grandma (in a speech bubble, over a close-up of the child's horrified face): "Fruit-sweetened" is how Grandmas say "Go fuck yourself."
Alt text
A five-panel comic in which a grandmother and her grandchild argue about cookies. Across the panels, the grandmother delivers an increasingly philosophical lecture, insisting her love motivates her to increase the child's survival and well-being, and that love is therefore "motivationally prior to sugar." She offers the child cookies; the child asks what the difference is. In the final panel the grandmother cheerfully explains the cookies are "sweetened with fruit juice, which I'll insist is just as good!" and the child screams "NOOOOOOOO!!!" in horror. Votey: a hand-drawn close-up of the child's terrified, wide-eyed face beneath a speech bubble reading: "'Fruit-sweetened' is how Grandmas say 'Go fuck yourself.'"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.