if-we39re-30
Original: if-we39re-30 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Girl (brown hair): If we're both 30 and not married, let's agree we'll marry each other.
Boy (flame-like red hair): Nah, that's a statistically terrible bet.
Panel 2:
Boy: My home provides more family stability, a higher level of nutrition, greater affluence, and access to several individuals with advanced degrees.
Panel 3:
Boy: Assuming we fall within the middle of our respective bell curves, I expect to have an easier job than you, with higher status, more wealth, greater physical fitness, and more attractively symmetrical facial features.
Panel 4:
Boy: So, either I'm married by age 30, or I'm so high status by 30 that you'll marry me regardless of whether we had a pre-adolescent nuptial agreement.
Panel 5:
Girl: Well, now I'm gonna not marry you on principle.
Boy: Be reasonable!
Votey:
A distorted close-up face shouts: Accept what I imagine to be your fate!
Girl (brown hair): If we're both 30 and not married, let's agree we'll marry each other.
Boy (flame-like red hair): Nah, that's a statistically terrible bet.
Panel 2:
Boy: My home provides more family stability, a higher level of nutrition, greater affluence, and access to several individuals with advanced degrees.
Panel 3:
Boy: Assuming we fall within the middle of our respective bell curves, I expect to have an easier job than you, with higher status, more wealth, greater physical fitness, and more attractively symmetrical facial features.
Panel 4:
Boy: So, either I'm married by age 30, or I'm so high status by 30 that you'll marry me regardless of whether we had a pre-adolescent nuptial agreement.
Panel 5:
Girl: Well, now I'm gonna not marry you on principle.
Boy: Be reasonable!
Votey:
A distorted close-up face shouts: Accept what I imagine to be your fate!
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Two kids talk. The brown-haired girl proposes: "If we're both 30 and not married, let's agree we'll marry each other." The red-haired boy refuses, calling it "a statistically terrible bet." He then launches into an arrogant monologue: his home provides more family stability, nutrition, affluence, and access to people with advanced degrees; assuming they fall in the middle of their bell curves, he expects an easier job, higher status, more wealth, greater fitness, and more symmetrical facial features. He concludes that either he'll be married by 30 anyway, or so high-status by 30 that she'll marry him regardless of any childhood pact. Unimpressed, the girl smirks: "Well, now I'm gonna not marry you on principle." The boy pleads, "Be reasonable!" In the votey, a wildly distorted, wide-eyed close-up of the boy's face shouts, "Accept what I imagine to be your fate!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.