the-resurrection
Original: the-resurrection on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man in a suit (the parishioner): Pastor, I'm starting to question my faith.
Pastor: Why?
Panel 2:
Parishioner: I just don't believe Jesus died, turned into three monkeys in a robe and beard, then returned to life.
Panel 3:
Pastor: Well, questioning one's faith is... wait, what?
Panel 4:
Parishioner: Three monkeys barely fill out a robe. Even if you accept the miracle of resurrection into monkeys, wouldn't the robe be really loose?
Panel 5:
(The pastor stares, stunned. The parishioner gestures emphatically.)
Panel 6:
Pastor: That's not--
Parishioner: And they had seen him three days prior! How did they not realize it was monkeys? They were his friends!
Panel 7:
Parishioner (leaning in, intense): They were friends, preacher-man! They were friends!
Panel 8:
(The pastor stares, exasperated.)
Panel 9:
Parishioner: And THAT'S how it feels when people ask why atheists worship Satan.
Pastor: Okay, okay!
Votey:
(The parishioner grins widely and leans toward the pastor, who looks uneasy. A sound effect beside the grinning man reads:)
SFX: ssss!
Man in a suit (the parishioner): Pastor, I'm starting to question my faith.
Pastor: Why?
Panel 2:
Parishioner: I just don't believe Jesus died, turned into three monkeys in a robe and beard, then returned to life.
Panel 3:
Pastor: Well, questioning one's faith is... wait, what?
Panel 4:
Parishioner: Three monkeys barely fill out a robe. Even if you accept the miracle of resurrection into monkeys, wouldn't the robe be really loose?
Panel 5:
(The pastor stares, stunned. The parishioner gestures emphatically.)
Panel 6:
Pastor: That's not--
Parishioner: And they had seen him three days prior! How did they not realize it was monkeys? They were his friends!
Panel 7:
Parishioner (leaning in, intense): They were friends, preacher-man! They were friends!
Panel 8:
(The pastor stares, exasperated.)
Panel 9:
Parishioner: And THAT'S how it feels when people ask why atheists worship Satan.
Pastor: Okay, okay!
Votey:
(The parishioner grins widely and leans toward the pastor, who looks uneasy. A sound effect beside the grinning man reads:)
SFX: ssss!
Alt text
A nine-panel comic. A man in a suit tells his pastor he's starting to question his faith. The pastor asks why. The man explains he doesn't believe Jesus died, turned into three monkeys in a robe and beard, then returned to life. The pastor begins to respond, confused, but the man keeps escalating with absurd objections: three monkeys would barely fill out a robe, so even accepting the miracle of resurrection-into-monkeys, the robe would be really loose; and Jesus's friends had seen him just three days prior, so how did they not realize it was monkeys -- 'They were his friends! They were friends, preacher-man!' The pastor stares, increasingly stunned and exasperated. Finally the man says, 'And THAT'S how it feels when people ask why atheists worship Satan,' and the pastor replies, 'Okay, okay!' -- revealing the whole monkey rant was a deliberate parody. Votey (aftercomic): a loose sketch of the same man grinning broadly and leaning in toward the uneasy pastor, with a hissing sound effect 'ssss!' beside him.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.