i-can39t-sleep
Original: i-can39t-sleep on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Woman with orange hair: Do you think there is other douchey life in the universe?
Panel 2
Woman with orange hair: I mean, sure there must be life in those trillions of planets. Some of it MUST be intelligent. But, you really have to have a species that's right at the interface of sociality and self-interestedness to achieve douchey behavior.
Panel 3
Woman with dark hair: I think it might be common. Some monkeys are douchey.
Woman with orange hair: Whoa, HEY. Those monkeys exhibit douche-LIKE behavior.
Panel 4
Woman with orange hair: Oh, they may occupy a few lower floors in the tower of douchery. That I grant. But, humans are QUALITATIVELY different.
Panel 5
Woman with dark hair: Can you really gaze up at the infinite vault of heaven and not conceive that somewhere out there there is someone being a colossal shithead?
Panel 6
(The two women stand in the snow looking up at the night sky; a shooting star streaks overhead.)
Panel 7
Woman with orange hair: It is only man's arrogance that lets him think he is alone in his douchitude.
Woman with dark hair: Amen.
Votey:
A simply-drawn face says: SO glad I had my husbands corpse stuffed and preserved
Woman with orange hair: Do you think there is other douchey life in the universe?
Panel 2
Woman with orange hair: I mean, sure there must be life in those trillions of planets. Some of it MUST be intelligent. But, you really have to have a species that's right at the interface of sociality and self-interestedness to achieve douchey behavior.
Panel 3
Woman with dark hair: I think it might be common. Some monkeys are douchey.
Woman with orange hair: Whoa, HEY. Those monkeys exhibit douche-LIKE behavior.
Panel 4
Woman with orange hair: Oh, they may occupy a few lower floors in the tower of douchery. That I grant. But, humans are QUALITATIVELY different.
Panel 5
Woman with dark hair: Can you really gaze up at the infinite vault of heaven and not conceive that somewhere out there there is someone being a colossal shithead?
Panel 6
(The two women stand in the snow looking up at the night sky; a shooting star streaks overhead.)
Panel 7
Woman with orange hair: It is only man's arrogance that lets him think he is alone in his douchitude.
Woman with dark hair: Amen.
Votey:
A simply-drawn face says: SO glad I had my husbands corpse stuffed and preserved
Alt text
A six-panel comic in which two women stand outside in the snow at night, discussing whether intelligent 'douchey' life exists elsewhere in the universe. The orange-haired woman argues that achieving truly douchey behavior requires a species poised right at the interface of sociality and self-interestedness, and insists humans are 'qualitatively different' from mere monkeys who only show 'douche-LIKE' behavior. The dark-haired woman counters by asking whether you can gaze up at the infinite heavens and not believe that somewhere out there is 'someone being a colossal shithead.' As a shooting star streaks across the starry sky, the orange-haired woman concludes, 'It is only man's arrogance that lets him think he is alone in his douchitude,' and the dark-haired woman replies, 'Amen.' The joke parodies grand cosmic-loneliness sentiment by applying it to the universality of jerks. Votey: a loosely sketched face declares, 'SO glad I had my husbands corpse stuffed and preserved.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.