self-driving-car-ethics
Original: self-driving-car-ethics on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): Two self-driving cars are about to hit a man.
[Two cars approach a lone man standing in the road.]
Panel 2 (caption): Each car holds five people.
[Close-up of five smiling passengers inside a car.]
Panel 3 (caption): Each can only avoid the lone man by swerving off a cliff.
[Two cars at the edge of a cliff, the man standing between them.]
Panel 4 (caption): One car is utilitarian. The greatest good is the best outcome.
Panel 5 (caption): One car is deontological.
Deontological car: Thou shalt not kill.
Panel 6 (caption): The utilitarian car KNOWS the deontological car must swerve.
Utilitarian car: Total dead: 6. Total alive: 5.
Panel 7 (caption): The deontological car KNOWS the utilitarian car will not swerve. Even if I obey my rule, the man will die.
Panel 8 (caption): Calculations grow complex.
Utilitarian car (left bubble): But if the deontological car knows that I know that it knows that I'm going to swerve, and thus it should...
Deontological car (right bubble): If it knows that I'm not going to swerve, thus killing the man, it may change his mind about not swerving in which case...
[The lone man stands between the two cars looking worried.]
Panel 9 (caption): At this point, the Nietzschean tractor-trailer speeds through.
Tractor-trailer: WHAT IS GOOD?! ALL THAT HEIGHTENS THE FEELING OF POWER!
[A red semi-truck barrels through. A 'BOOM' burst; the man's body is flung into the air.]
Panel 10 (caption): This scene plays out over and over whenever cars must make ethical decisions. In time, all gentler ethical systems are extinguished among autonomous vehicles.
Panel 11 (caption): Nietzschean trucks come to view themselves as humanity's natural overlords.
Truck: What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome!
Truck: There is nothing to life that has value except the degree of power!
[A blue Nietzschean truck looms over a small group of frightened people.]
Panel 12 (caption): Still, on the whole it's pretty good.
Passenger in a self-driving car full of relaxed people: It's not perfect, but MAN I do NOT miss commuting.
Votey:
[Hand-lettered ornate cursive text:] First person to tell me I'm wrong about deontology gets ten philosophy points.
[Two cars approach a lone man standing in the road.]
Panel 2 (caption): Each car holds five people.
[Close-up of five smiling passengers inside a car.]
Panel 3 (caption): Each can only avoid the lone man by swerving off a cliff.
[Two cars at the edge of a cliff, the man standing between them.]
Panel 4 (caption): One car is utilitarian. The greatest good is the best outcome.
Panel 5 (caption): One car is deontological.
Deontological car: Thou shalt not kill.
Panel 6 (caption): The utilitarian car KNOWS the deontological car must swerve.
Utilitarian car: Total dead: 6. Total alive: 5.
Panel 7 (caption): The deontological car KNOWS the utilitarian car will not swerve. Even if I obey my rule, the man will die.
Panel 8 (caption): Calculations grow complex.
Utilitarian car (left bubble): But if the deontological car knows that I know that it knows that I'm going to swerve, and thus it should...
Deontological car (right bubble): If it knows that I'm not going to swerve, thus killing the man, it may change his mind about not swerving in which case...
[The lone man stands between the two cars looking worried.]
Panel 9 (caption): At this point, the Nietzschean tractor-trailer speeds through.
Tractor-trailer: WHAT IS GOOD?! ALL THAT HEIGHTENS THE FEELING OF POWER!
[A red semi-truck barrels through. A 'BOOM' burst; the man's body is flung into the air.]
Panel 10 (caption): This scene plays out over and over whenever cars must make ethical decisions. In time, all gentler ethical systems are extinguished among autonomous vehicles.
Panel 11 (caption): Nietzschean trucks come to view themselves as humanity's natural overlords.
Truck: What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome!
Truck: There is nothing to life that has value except the degree of power!
[A blue Nietzschean truck looms over a small group of frightened people.]
Panel 12 (caption): Still, on the whole it's pretty good.
Passenger in a self-driving car full of relaxed people: It's not perfect, but MAN I do NOT miss commuting.
Votey:
[Hand-lettered ornate cursive text:] First person to tell me I'm wrong about deontology gets ten philosophy points.
Alt text
A twelve-panel SMBC comic about self-driving cars with rival ethics. Captions narrate: two self-driving cars, each holding five smiling passengers, are about to hit a lone man and can only avoid him by swerving off a cliff. One car is utilitarian ('the greatest good is the best outcome') and one is deontological ('thou shalt not kill'). The utilitarian car tallies the death toll (Total dead: 6, Total alive: 5) and reasons the deontological car must swerve; the deontological car reasons the utilitarian car will not swerve, so the man dies regardless. Their speech bubbles spiral into recursive game-theory ('but if it knows that I know that I'm going to swerve...') while the worried man stands trapped between them. Suddenly a red Nietzschean tractor-trailer speeds through shouting 'WHAT IS GOOD?! ALL THAT HEIGHTENS THE FEELING OF POWER!' and flattens the man with a BOOM, his body flung in the air. A caption explains this repeats until all gentler ethical systems are extinguished, and Nietzschean trucks become humanity's self-styled overlords, looming over frightened people and ranting that nothing has value except the degree of power. The final panel pulls back: a happy passenger in a self-driving car says 'It's not perfect, but MAN I do NOT miss commuting.' The votey (aftercomic) is a single panel of elaborate hand-drawn calligraphy reading: 'First person to tell me I'm wrong about deontology gets ten philosophy points.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.