adopt-the-darkness
Original: adopt-the-darkness on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (Batman):
Batman: You know? Nobody adopted the Dark. I was born to it.
Panel 2 (a woman):
Woman: When my parents lifted me from the Naples trembling crib, she looked at my feet.
Panel 3 (Batman, with inset of a foot wearing a sock and sandal):
Woman (narrating): Where she should've seen evil squishy pink toes, she saw a tube sock.
Inset label on sandal: AGFA SANTE
Inset label on sole: GOLD TOED
Panel 4 (Batman):
Woman (narrating): Encased in the darkness of brown sandals!
Panel 5 (the woman):
Woman: I was cast out, made a pariah.
Panel 6 (Batman):
Batman: Don't be shocked, Bruce. I know your true name.
Panel 7 (the woman):
Woman: Society scorns me, Bruce.
Panel 8 (Batman):
Batman: All right! You! You! You've killed the Batman!
Panel 9 (the woman):
Woman: My deformity is so much more than a curse. The increased comfort and dryness allow me to focus to think. To piece together the scraps that others miss.
Panel 10 (Batman and the woman):
Batman: Killed? Oh Bruce. Oh, no no no. I don't plan to kill you...
Woman: I plan to make you...
Panel 11 (the woman, smiling):
Woman: LIKE ME!
Batman: NO!
Panel 12 (city skyline at night):
Batman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Panel 13 (caption: LATER):
Batman: You know I was against it at first but these feel great. I just don't know what I was worried about, Alfred.
Batman: Alfred?
Panel 14 (a figure lying on the ground, feet shown wearing socks-and-sandals):
(no dialogue)
Votey:
Hand-lettered text: "Please DC Comics. Do the right thing."
Below: "Sandalsocks vs. Squirrel Girl" (with "vs" in a small circle)
Batman: You know? Nobody adopted the Dark. I was born to it.
Panel 2 (a woman):
Woman: When my parents lifted me from the Naples trembling crib, she looked at my feet.
Panel 3 (Batman, with inset of a foot wearing a sock and sandal):
Woman (narrating): Where she should've seen evil squishy pink toes, she saw a tube sock.
Inset label on sandal: AGFA SANTE
Inset label on sole: GOLD TOED
Panel 4 (Batman):
Woman (narrating): Encased in the darkness of brown sandals!
Panel 5 (the woman):
Woman: I was cast out, made a pariah.
Panel 6 (Batman):
Batman: Don't be shocked, Bruce. I know your true name.
Panel 7 (the woman):
Woman: Society scorns me, Bruce.
Panel 8 (Batman):
Batman: All right! You! You! You've killed the Batman!
Panel 9 (the woman):
Woman: My deformity is so much more than a curse. The increased comfort and dryness allow me to focus to think. To piece together the scraps that others miss.
Panel 10 (Batman and the woman):
Batman: Killed? Oh Bruce. Oh, no no no. I don't plan to kill you...
Woman: I plan to make you...
Panel 11 (the woman, smiling):
Woman: LIKE ME!
Batman: NO!
Panel 12 (city skyline at night):
Batman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Panel 13 (caption: LATER):
Batman: You know I was against it at first but these feel great. I just don't know what I was worried about, Alfred.
Batman: Alfred?
Panel 14 (a figure lying on the ground, feet shown wearing socks-and-sandals):
(no dialogue)
Votey:
Hand-lettered text: "Please DC Comics. Do the right thing."
Below: "Sandalsocks vs. Squirrel Girl" (with "vs" in a small circle)
Alt text
A Batman parody comic. Batman, drawn in stylized cartoon art, talks with a woman with reddish-orange hair. Batman muses, "You know? Nobody adopted the Dark. I was born to it." The woman recounts that when her parents lifted her from the crib and looked at her feet, instead of evil pink toes they saw a tube sock; an inset shows a foot wearing a sandal over a sock, labeled "GOLD TOED," described as "encased in the darkness of brown sandals." She was cast out and made a pariah, scorned by society. Batman says he knows her true name, Bruce. She explains her sock-and-sandal "deformity" is more than a curse: the increased comfort and dryness let her focus and think, piecing together scraps others miss. She declares she will not kill Batman but will make him "LIKE ME!" Batman screams "NO!" and a panel of the dark city skyline shows a long "NOOOOO." Later, Batman, now apparently wearing socks with sandals himself, admits, "You know I was against it at first but these feel great... I just don't know what I was worried about, Alfred. Alfred?" The final panel shows a body lying collapsed on the ground, feet in socks and sandals. The bonus panel (votey) is plain hand-lettered text reading "Please DC Comics. Do the right thing." with "Sandalsocks vs. Squirrel Girl" written below.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.