paternity-test
Original: paternity-test on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Doctor (in white coat): The paternity test is complete. I'm afraid you're a father.
Man (seated, looking shocked): What?!
Panel 2:
Man: Wait! You don't draw any blood or anything?
Panel 3:
Doctor: You're wearing cargo shorts with a phone holster.
Panel 4:
Doctor: They were ten percent off!
Man (face contorted, head thrown back in anguish): NOOOOO! OOOOOO!
Votey:
[No text. A square close-up filled densely with coarse, dark, flame-like body hair against a pink skin background.]
Doctor (in white coat): The paternity test is complete. I'm afraid you're a father.
Man (seated, looking shocked): What?!
Panel 2:
Man: Wait! You don't draw any blood or anything?
Panel 3:
Doctor: You're wearing cargo shorts with a phone holster.
Panel 4:
Doctor: They were ten percent off!
Man (face contorted, head thrown back in anguish): NOOOOO! OOOOOO!
Votey:
[No text. A square close-up filled densely with coarse, dark, flame-like body hair against a pink skin background.]
Alt text
A four-panel comic. Panel 1: A doctor in a white coat tells a shocked seated man, "The paternity test is complete. I'm afraid you're a father." The man replies, "What?!" Panel 2: The man asks, "Wait! You don't draw any blood or anything?" Panel 3: The doctor explains, "You're wearing cargo shorts with a phone holster." Panel 4: The doctor adds, "They were ten percent off!" while the man throws his head back, face contorted in despair, screaming "NOOOOO! OOOOOO!" The joke: the diagnosis of fatherhood is based purely on stereotypically dad-coded fashion choices, and the man's pained defense of his bargain shorts confirms it. Votey (aftercomic): A square close-up densely filled with coarse, dark, flame-like body hair over pink skin, visually riffing on hyper-masculine "dad" body imagery.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.