happiness
Original: happiness on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man: The happiness fairy! Are you here to make me happy?
Panel 2:
Happiness Fairy: But we're taking a scientific approach this year!
Panel 3:
Man: Of course!
Panel 4:
Happiness Fairy: Current research suggests that happiness is best achieved by having low expectations, then meeting or exceeding them!
Panel 5:
Happiness Fairy: So I'm here to tell you to advance what doors are already closed for you!
Panel 6:
Happiness Fairy: You're not smart enough for a Nobel prize. You're not clever enough for a Pulitzer. You're not calculating enough to be president. You're not fit enough for the Olympics. You're not analytical enough to be rich.
Panel 7:
Happiness Fairy: And for all of these pursuits, even if you ever had a shot which you don't, you should have started twenty years ago!
Panel 8:
Happiness Fairy: Circumscribe your dreams, Bob! Circumscribe your dreams!
Panel 9:
Man (Bob): I feel simultaneously pointless and set free like I'm made of nothing.
Happiness Fairy: Don't thank me! Thank science!
Votey:
Happiness Fairy (cheerfully): Just relax & read comics!
Man: The happiness fairy! Are you here to make me happy?
Panel 2:
Happiness Fairy: But we're taking a scientific approach this year!
Panel 3:
Man: Of course!
Panel 4:
Happiness Fairy: Current research suggests that happiness is best achieved by having low expectations, then meeting or exceeding them!
Panel 5:
Happiness Fairy: So I'm here to tell you to advance what doors are already closed for you!
Panel 6:
Happiness Fairy: You're not smart enough for a Nobel prize. You're not clever enough for a Pulitzer. You're not calculating enough to be president. You're not fit enough for the Olympics. You're not analytical enough to be rich.
Panel 7:
Happiness Fairy: And for all of these pursuits, even if you ever had a shot which you don't, you should have started twenty years ago!
Panel 8:
Happiness Fairy: Circumscribe your dreams, Bob! Circumscribe your dreams!
Panel 9:
Man (Bob): I feel simultaneously pointless and set free like I'm made of nothing.
Happiness Fairy: Don't thank me! Thank science!
Votey:
Happiness Fairy (cheerfully): Just relax & read comics!
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A pink-skinned 'happiness fairy' with blonde hair visits a worried man. He asks if she's here to make him happy; she says yes, but this year they're taking a 'scientific approach.' She explains that research shows happiness comes from having low expectations and then meeting or exceeding them, so she's there to point out all the doors already closed to him. She rattles off a list: he's not smart enough for a Nobel prize, not clever enough for a Pulitzer, not calculating enough to be president, not fit enough for the Olympics, not analytical enough to be rich. She adds that even if he had a shot at any of these (which he doesn't), he should have started twenty years ago. She cheerfully tells him to 'Circumscribe your dreams, Bob!' In the final panel the man, looking hollow-eyed, says he feels 'simultaneously pointless and set free like I'm made of nothing,' while the fairy beams 'Don't thank me! Thank science!' In the votey, the grinning fairy floats happily and says 'Just relax & read comics!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.