the-space-fountain
Original: the-space-fountain on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (Presenter, a woman with glasses, at a podium): Perhaps the most elegant proposal for non-rocket space launch is the so-called "space fountain."
Panel 2 (Presenter): The idea is to use a system of accelerated pellets moving past a large space station, in order to create an enormous two-dimensional sky-boner.
Panel 3 (Presenter): The station magnetically harvests kinetic energy from the pellets so as to keep itself aloft. In the manner you would expect from the tip of a gigantic space-dong.
Panel 4 (Presenter): The remaining harvested energy will be used to move the pellets around the station, then rapidly fire them down, where they hurtle into a lower chamber that serves to re-accelerate the pellets and to look like the balls of a titanic cosmo-schlong.
Panel 5 (Presenter): Once the pellets are cycling, payloads can be borne up by their kinetic energy, reaching such high speeds that they may be spewed onto the man in the moon or the womb of Venus, as one would expect from a gargantuan astro-dick.
Panel 6 (Presenter): Incidental to the process, we expect this system to cut launch costs by 99%, allowing mankind to fulfill our destiny of blah blah blah et cetera.
Panel 7 (An audience member, a man): Question: How in the world do you expect to receive funding?
Panel 8 (Presenter): We believe that Elon Musk will telepathically detect a proposal for a colossal galacto-
Panel 9 (Audience member): One billion is fine. For $96, we can strap one to Mars.
Votey:
(The presenter, hand on cheek, smiling slyly into a speech bubble): Yes, sir. Substantially larger than a rocket.
Panel 2 (Presenter): The idea is to use a system of accelerated pellets moving past a large space station, in order to create an enormous two-dimensional sky-boner.
Panel 3 (Presenter): The station magnetically harvests kinetic energy from the pellets so as to keep itself aloft. In the manner you would expect from the tip of a gigantic space-dong.
Panel 4 (Presenter): The remaining harvested energy will be used to move the pellets around the station, then rapidly fire them down, where they hurtle into a lower chamber that serves to re-accelerate the pellets and to look like the balls of a titanic cosmo-schlong.
Panel 5 (Presenter): Once the pellets are cycling, payloads can be borne up by their kinetic energy, reaching such high speeds that they may be spewed onto the man in the moon or the womb of Venus, as one would expect from a gargantuan astro-dick.
Panel 6 (Presenter): Incidental to the process, we expect this system to cut launch costs by 99%, allowing mankind to fulfill our destiny of blah blah blah et cetera.
Panel 7 (An audience member, a man): Question: How in the world do you expect to receive funding?
Panel 8 (Presenter): We believe that Elon Musk will telepathically detect a proposal for a colossal galacto-
Panel 9 (Audience member): One billion is fine. For $96, we can strap one to Mars.
Votey:
(The presenter, hand on cheek, smiling slyly into a speech bubble): Yes, sir. Substantially larger than a rocket.
Alt text
A nine-panel comic. At a podium, a woman with glasses gives an earnest scientific presentation about a "space fountain": a non-rocket space-launch system in which accelerated pellets stream past a large orbiting station, which magnetically harvests their kinetic energy to stay aloft, then fires them down into a lower chamber that re-accelerates them, allowing payloads to be carried up cheaply (a claimed 99% cost cut). Throughout, she repeatedly and shamelessly compares the apparatus to genitalia, describing it as a "two-dimensional sky-boner," the station as "the tip of a gigantic space-dong," the lower chamber as "the balls of a titanic cosmo-schlong," and a "gargantuan astro-dick." In the final panels a male audience member asks how she expects to receive funding; she begins explaining that Elon Musk will telepathically detect a proposal for a "colossal galacto-" before he immediately cuts in: "One billion is fine. For $96, we can strap one to Mars." Votey: a hand-drawn sketch of the presenter, hand on cheek and smiling slyly, saying into a speech bubble, "Yes, sir. Substantially larger than a rocket."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.