being-president
Original: being-president on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman: You ever imagine what it'd be like to be president?
Man (with reddish-brown hair): ALL THE TIME
Panel 2:
Man (now at a podium, addressing a crowd): On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom, please accept this bust of John Locke, a founding philosopher of both of our modern traditions.
Other figure: Thank you. Thank you so much.
Panel 3:
Man at podium: On behalf of America, please accept this bag of— OH MY GOD!
(A bag he is holding bursts into flames.)
Panel 4:
Voice: THE BAG IS ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!
Panel 5:
(The man flails on the floor, on fire, beside the burning podium.)
Man: WAS— WAS THERE DOG POO IN THE BAG?
Laughter: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Panel 6:
Caption: LATER...
News/announcer caption: THE PRESIDENT WISHES TO EXPRESS HIS REGRET FOR OWNING BRITAIN SO HARD.
Panel 7:
Woman: I think I'd focus on fixing infrastructure.
Man: That would make escape easier.
Votey:
A grumpy man with an angry expression and a bearded man (resembling a Founding-Father / Locke-bust figure) recoil.
Bust/old man: Leave us out of your filth!
Small figure at bottom: no!
Woman: You ever imagine what it'd be like to be president?
Man (with reddish-brown hair): ALL THE TIME
Panel 2:
Man (now at a podium, addressing a crowd): On behalf of the people of the United Kingdom, please accept this bust of John Locke, a founding philosopher of both of our modern traditions.
Other figure: Thank you. Thank you so much.
Panel 3:
Man at podium: On behalf of America, please accept this bag of— OH MY GOD!
(A bag he is holding bursts into flames.)
Panel 4:
Voice: THE BAG IS ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!
Panel 5:
(The man flails on the floor, on fire, beside the burning podium.)
Man: WAS— WAS THERE DOG POO IN THE BAG?
Laughter: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Panel 6:
Caption: LATER...
News/announcer caption: THE PRESIDENT WISHES TO EXPRESS HIS REGRET FOR OWNING BRITAIN SO HARD.
Panel 7:
Woman: I think I'd focus on fixing infrastructure.
Man: That would make escape easier.
Votey:
A grumpy man with an angry expression and a bearded man (resembling a Founding-Father / Locke-bust figure) recoil.
Bust/old man: Leave us out of your filth!
Small figure at bottom: no!
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A woman asks a brown-haired man, "You ever imagine what it'd be like to be president?" He answers, "ALL THE TIME." Panels 2-6 imagine his presidential fantasy: at a podium before a crowd, he gifts the United Kingdom a bust of philosopher John Locke ("a founding philosopher of both of our modern traditions"), then tries to present America's gift — "this bag of— OH MY GOD!" — as the bag bursts into flames. Voices shout "THE BAG IS ON FIRE! PUT IT OUT!" He ends up flailing on the floor on fire, asking "WAS— WAS THERE DOG POO IN THE BAG?" while a crowd laughs. A "LATER..." caption reads: "THE PRESIDENT WISHES TO EXPRESS HIS REGRET FOR OWNING BRITAIN SO HARD." Panel 7 returns to reality: the woman says, "I think I'd focus on fixing infrastructure," and he replies, "That would make escape easier." The joke: his idea of being president is pranking Britain with a flaming bag of dog poo, then planning escape routes. Votey: a hand-drawn scene where a grumpy man and a bearded Locke-like bust figure recoil, the bust saying "Leave us out of your filth!" and a small figure below shouting "no!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.