gdp
Original: gdp on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (caption): WE NEEDED A NEW ECONOMIC METRIC.
Man: GDP IS RIDICULOUS. WITH GDP IF AN EXTRAVAGANT, A SPECIES TO SELL HIGH-PRICED MEAT, WE'RE MORE PROSPEROUS!
Panel 2 (caption): A PROPOSAL WAS MADE.
Woman: WHAT IF WE MEASURED HAPPINESS INSTEAD?
Man: GREAT IDEA! I FOR ONE GET REALLY HAPPY WHEN I BRIEFLY RESTRICT A KITTEN'S AIR SUPPLY.
Panel 3 (caption): AN ADVANCED UTILITARIANISM WAS BORN.
Man: WE SHALL MEASURE POSITIVE EMOTIONS THAT ARE WELL-EARNED: RIGHTEOUSNESS, DIGNITY, AND HONOR, OR RDH.
Panel 4 (caption): POLITICIANS WERE CONVINCED.
Manager: GDP IS FALLING.
Politician: I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT SEEM OTHERWISE.
Manager: BLESS YOU.
Panel 5 (caption): A LAW WAS ENACTED.
Politician: HEREAFTER, THOSE PEOPLE WHO GENERATE RDH WILL RECEIVE CASH REWARDS. PEOPLE WHO LOWER RDH SHALL BE TAXED.
Panel 6 (caption): SOCIETY CHANGED BEYOND RECOGNITION.
Newscaster: AT TODAY'S PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, NOBODY CALLED ANYONE A BABYKILLER.
Panel 7 (caption): THEN, THINGS SEEMED TO PLATEAU.
Man: WE'VE HIT PEAK RDH. WHAT'S HOLDING US BACK?
Other man: THERE'S NEW DATA ON PEOPLE ONLY FEEL THOSE EMOTIONS RELATIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE'S BAD BEHAVIOR.
Panel 8 (caption): THE PROBLEM BECAME CLEAR.
Man: IF EVERYONE KEPT THE WORD ALL THE TIME, THERE WOULDN'T BE A TERM FOR HONOR. IT'S NOT LIKE HOW THERE'S NO WORD FOR KEEPING YOUR LIVER INSIDE YOUR BODY.
Woman: SO...
Man: WE NEED MORE SCUMBAGS.
Panel 9 (caption): A SECRET PROGRAM BEGAN.
Man: WE HAVE CREATED AN ISLAND ON THIS ISLAND WE WILL PLACE WHERE FRED. WORD FRED WILL GO AROUND THE ISLAND COLLECTING KOALAS AND PLACING THEM IN AN ENORMOUS BLENDER. THIS WILL BE BROADCAST LIVE WORLDWIDE.
Panel 10 (caption): RDH SKYROCKETED.
Military man: WORD FRED HAS GOT TO BE STOPPED. THE WORLD IS AT A CROSSROADS. THERE CAN BE NO QUARTER WHEN FACING THE HORNY COUNTENANCE OF EVIL. I MUST SELECT MY HASHTAG WITH CARE.
Panel 11 (caption): EVER MORE MILITARY FUNDING WAS REQUIRED TO DEFEND FRED AGAINST CIVILIAN ATTACKERS.
Man: NUCLEAR DETONATIONS WERE DETECTED NEAR KOALABLAND COVE. WE DON'T KNOW HOW WORD FRED GOT SUCH POWERFUL DEFENSES, BUT BY GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO DO BATTLE WITH HIM.
Panel 12 (caption): THE RIGHTEOUS TOIL TWICE AS HARD.
Man: NOT THAT IT MATTERS, BUT GDP HAS QUADRUPLED THIS YEAR.
Other man: WELL, ALL THE TECH SPINOFFS HAVE HELPED A LOT.
Panel 13 (caption): PEOPLE OF THE FUTURE WILL NOT REMEMBER WHY POVERTY AND DISEASE DISAPPEARED.
Woman: IF IT CAN CURE ALL HUMAN AILMENTS, I CAN FIGHT FRED UNTIL I DIE.
Panel 14 (caption): THEY WILL NOT REMEMBER WHAT PROPELLED THEIR ANCESTORS TO THE STARS.
Man: WON'T A MINUTE. IF WE POINT THE ANTI-GRAVITY MISSILES UP WE CAN GO TO ALPHA CENTAURI.
Panel 15 (caption): OR, IN ANY CASE, THEY WILL CHOOSE NOT TO LOOK INTO IT TOO CAREFULLY.
Woman: DO PEOPLE CREATE NEW INVENTIONS BEFORE THE YEAR 2100 THAT WEREN'T EITHER DESIGNED OR REPURPOSED IMMEDIATELY FOR WAR?
Man: I DON'T THINK THAT'S COUNTED AS PEOPLE AS PEOPLE AT THAT POINT. THEY?
Votey: A koala with a wide-open mouth and large, alarmed eyes stares straight ahead in shock.
Man: GDP IS RIDICULOUS. WITH GDP IF AN EXTRAVAGANT, A SPECIES TO SELL HIGH-PRICED MEAT, WE'RE MORE PROSPEROUS!
Panel 2 (caption): A PROPOSAL WAS MADE.
Woman: WHAT IF WE MEASURED HAPPINESS INSTEAD?
Man: GREAT IDEA! I FOR ONE GET REALLY HAPPY WHEN I BRIEFLY RESTRICT A KITTEN'S AIR SUPPLY.
Panel 3 (caption): AN ADVANCED UTILITARIANISM WAS BORN.
Man: WE SHALL MEASURE POSITIVE EMOTIONS THAT ARE WELL-EARNED: RIGHTEOUSNESS, DIGNITY, AND HONOR, OR RDH.
Panel 4 (caption): POLITICIANS WERE CONVINCED.
Manager: GDP IS FALLING.
Politician: I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT SEEM OTHERWISE.
Manager: BLESS YOU.
Panel 5 (caption): A LAW WAS ENACTED.
Politician: HEREAFTER, THOSE PEOPLE WHO GENERATE RDH WILL RECEIVE CASH REWARDS. PEOPLE WHO LOWER RDH SHALL BE TAXED.
Panel 6 (caption): SOCIETY CHANGED BEYOND RECOGNITION.
Newscaster: AT TODAY'S PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, NOBODY CALLED ANYONE A BABYKILLER.
Panel 7 (caption): THEN, THINGS SEEMED TO PLATEAU.
Man: WE'VE HIT PEAK RDH. WHAT'S HOLDING US BACK?
Other man: THERE'S NEW DATA ON PEOPLE ONLY FEEL THOSE EMOTIONS RELATIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE'S BAD BEHAVIOR.
Panel 8 (caption): THE PROBLEM BECAME CLEAR.
Man: IF EVERYONE KEPT THE WORD ALL THE TIME, THERE WOULDN'T BE A TERM FOR HONOR. IT'S NOT LIKE HOW THERE'S NO WORD FOR KEEPING YOUR LIVER INSIDE YOUR BODY.
Woman: SO...
Man: WE NEED MORE SCUMBAGS.
Panel 9 (caption): A SECRET PROGRAM BEGAN.
Man: WE HAVE CREATED AN ISLAND ON THIS ISLAND WE WILL PLACE WHERE FRED. WORD FRED WILL GO AROUND THE ISLAND COLLECTING KOALAS AND PLACING THEM IN AN ENORMOUS BLENDER. THIS WILL BE BROADCAST LIVE WORLDWIDE.
Panel 10 (caption): RDH SKYROCKETED.
Military man: WORD FRED HAS GOT TO BE STOPPED. THE WORLD IS AT A CROSSROADS. THERE CAN BE NO QUARTER WHEN FACING THE HORNY COUNTENANCE OF EVIL. I MUST SELECT MY HASHTAG WITH CARE.
Panel 11 (caption): EVER MORE MILITARY FUNDING WAS REQUIRED TO DEFEND FRED AGAINST CIVILIAN ATTACKERS.
Man: NUCLEAR DETONATIONS WERE DETECTED NEAR KOALABLAND COVE. WE DON'T KNOW HOW WORD FRED GOT SUCH POWERFUL DEFENSES, BUT BY GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO DO BATTLE WITH HIM.
Panel 12 (caption): THE RIGHTEOUS TOIL TWICE AS HARD.
Man: NOT THAT IT MATTERS, BUT GDP HAS QUADRUPLED THIS YEAR.
Other man: WELL, ALL THE TECH SPINOFFS HAVE HELPED A LOT.
Panel 13 (caption): PEOPLE OF THE FUTURE WILL NOT REMEMBER WHY POVERTY AND DISEASE DISAPPEARED.
Woman: IF IT CAN CURE ALL HUMAN AILMENTS, I CAN FIGHT FRED UNTIL I DIE.
Panel 14 (caption): THEY WILL NOT REMEMBER WHAT PROPELLED THEIR ANCESTORS TO THE STARS.
Man: WON'T A MINUTE. IF WE POINT THE ANTI-GRAVITY MISSILES UP WE CAN GO TO ALPHA CENTAURI.
Panel 15 (caption): OR, IN ANY CASE, THEY WILL CHOOSE NOT TO LOOK INTO IT TOO CAREFULLY.
Woman: DO PEOPLE CREATE NEW INVENTIONS BEFORE THE YEAR 2100 THAT WEREN'T EITHER DESIGNED OR REPURPOSED IMMEDIATELY FOR WAR?
Man: I DON'T THINK THAT'S COUNTED AS PEOPLE AS PEOPLE AT THAT POINT. THEY?
Votey: A koala with a wide-open mouth and large, alarmed eyes stares straight ahead in shock.
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic with caption boxes narrating, panel by panel, how society replaces GDP with a new happiness metric. The captions trace the chain: a man complains GDP is ridiculous; a woman proposes measuring happiness; an 'advanced utilitarianism' is born that measures Righteousness, Dignity, and Honor (RDH); politicians are convinced; a law rewards people who generate RDH and taxes those who lower it; society changes (a newscaster notes nobody called anyone a babykiller at a debate). RDH then plateaus because people only feel righteous relative to others' bad behavior, so a man concludes 'WE NEED MORE SCUMBAGS.' A secret program creates an island with a villain, 'Word Fred,' who blends koalas live worldwide; RDH skyrockets as a military man vows to fight 'the horny countenance of evil.' Ever more military funding is needed to defend Fred from civilian attackers; nuclear detonations are detected near Koalabland Cove, and a man admits it feels good to do battle with him. The righteous toil twice as hard; GDP quadruples from tech spinoffs. Captions conclude that future people won't remember why poverty and disease disappeared or what propelled their ancestors to the stars (a man realizes anti-gravity missiles pointed up reach Alpha Centauri), and will choose not to look too carefully at how every invention before 2100 was repurposed for war. The votey is a close-up of a koala with a wide-open mouth and huge alarmed eyes, looking horrified.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.